Work in Progress
by Juni Onigiri
Summary: For the year's Interscholastic Fantasy Festival, Class 2A is working on a musical! The reluctant Bakugou is assigned to work on the script with Uraraka, who proves to be a more eccentric writer than he thought.
1. Act 1 Scene 1

**Work in Progress**

 **Act One, Scene One: In Which Deku-kun Leaves His House and Adventure Begins**

"Whaddya **mean** I gotta write a shitty play?!"

The usual unruly atmosphere of Class 2A's classroom got a little unrulier with Bakugou's 15th shout of the early morning. Everybody else covered their ears as the hapless class representatives attempted to parry his stern declaration.

"It cannot be helped, Bakugou-kun," began Iida. His hands made one robotic gesture after another as he attempted to calm his raging classmate. "Just to reiterate, our class was assigned to create a fantasy musical for the upcoming interscholastic Fantasy Festival! As agreed upon by the rest of the class, everybody will participate in the play, but the assignments for production and design will be assigned by ballot!" One robotic arm dramatically pointed to the center of the angry blonde's face. "And by ballot, you are one of two who is assigned under Scriptwriting!"

"Fuckin' Glasses! I refuse! Pick someone else!" Bakugou moved to snatch Iida's fingers, probably fully intending to break them. Fortunately the latter was able to move them away in time.

Yaoyorozu, ever prim and proper and polite, shook her head. "I'm sorry, Bakugou-kun, we've already decided on the roles of the play yesterday in the after-class meeting, and some of us has started to work on our assignments. Given that we only have a month to prepare, we are pressed for time as it is."

He grit his teeth angrily. There _was_ an after-class meeting yesterday in the common room of the dorms. Knowing that it was about this nerdy Fantasy Festival, he skipped it and trained instead.

Still, who the fuck gave these extras authority to give him such a stupid job?! "I don't fuckin' care! Why don't you ask some nerd to do it?! I'm sure Deku or that fuckin' Edgar Allan Poe goth bird will be happy to shit out a script for ya! Oi, one of you switch with me!"

At the mention of their names, said Deku and Fuckin' Edgar Allan Poe Goth Bird glanced in their direction. Tokoyami had his usual dark glare on his features, while Deku looked apologetic. "I'm sorry Kacchan… I'd take your job if I could, but apart from props, they gave me the leading role in the play… I'm sure you wouldn't wanna switch with me," he said in a defeated tone.

"Haa?!"

Midoriya whimpered. Bakugou started gnashing his teeth threateningly at him for having the audacity to refuse. "I-I-I mean, on top of hero training and schoolwork and such, it'd be too much even for me, Kacchan… I'm willing to help you out if you have a difficult time writing, though, so-"

"Forget it, nerd, who says I need your help?! I can write circles around your ass if I really wanted to!"

The green-haired nerd whimpered again, while Tokoyami rolled his eyes. "I respectfully refuse to switch with you, Bakugou. Jirou and I are working on the songs. We already have grand plans for the musical scores, and having us switch jobs now would destroy our collaboration," he said in his usual grim tone.

"You're just gonna do some shitty discount version of Hans Zimmer[1] anyways you damn Bird Head!"

Tokoyami's eyes widened slightly in surprise. "I'm surprised you knew that he inspired our play's soundtrack. But yes, that dark suspenseful orchestra is exactly what we are aiming for."

Bakugou intended to rant further, but was interrupted by Iida, who karate-chopped the air in front of him. "Please respect the process, Bakugou-kun! I understand your apprehensions but we believe that you are one of the two 2A students best suited for this job! Your scores in Japanese literature, Asian literature, Western literature, and Composition are more than impressive!"

"Besides," cut in Yaomomo, before he could retort angrily again, "we need your cooperation more than ever. I am sure that you, or any other 2A student wouldn't want to disappoint our guest star in the play…"

Bakugo scoffed. "Try me, Ponytail."

But as soon as he said it, a familiar figure in yellow pinstripes, preceded by his signature booming laugh, entered his and everyone else's field of view. "I am HERE!" He was able to hold his buff form for a grand total of 2.7 seconds before he deflated anticlimactically, blood spurting out of his open mouth.

Shaking off the screams of horror from some of the 2A students (who will probably never stop being shocked from his bloody coughing fits), All Might waved at their group. "Good morning, my young heroes! I cannot help but overhear your lively discussion over _our_ Fantasy Festival class project!"

Bakugou's eye twitched violently. The rest of his classmates were starry-eyed, but unfazed. "Yes sir, All Might! As a matter of fact, we were discussing the script-writing!" Iida replied.

The emaciated hero's eyes creased happily as he leaned in closer to the fiery blonde, who was getting more flustered by the second. "I heard Young Bakugou will be lending his immense writing talents to our script! I'm looking forward to it!"

Bakugou tried not to look too dumb, or to look too happy with All Might's compliment. He settled for a mildly annoyed _tch_ instead. "So they tell me…" he mumbled under his breath. "… best believe it'll be the best damn script you'll ever lay your eyes on, All Might," he added gruffly.

"Good, good!" He guffawed once more. The retired hero, the certified G.O.A.T., patted him on the back proudly, and he knew then that there was no backing out now. "I'm excited about the role you kids are going to give me! You might not know it, but back in the day, I was quite the thespian! I'm one of the star actors in UA's drama club, after all! Henceforth, you can give me any role you like! Even a villain role will do!"

"Eh… we definitely aren't giving you a villain role, All Might!" said Deku. "You're definitely a hero in this play!"

It was pretty annoying how fan-boyish that damned nerd sounded, but it was apparent that Bakugou was the only one irritated. "Oh! Well, the other scriptwriter did give me a gist of the story. It seems interesting so far, that it does!"

"The _other_ scriptwriter…?" began Bakugou, an irritated grumble making its way to his voice.

"Ah, that would be Uraraka-san-" began Midoriya, just as the person in question burst through the front door.

"Prrrsnnt!" yelled Round-Face, a piece of toast actively being chewed in her mouth. She waved enthusiastically at their group and bounced towards them happily, oblivious to the situation. "Y'all talkin' bout me?"

Bakugou's jaw dropped, while the rest of the group waved back at her. "Yes we were, Uraraka-san," replied Yaoyorozu delicately. "We just informed Bakugou's role of being your co-writer."

"Wah~ That's great! I'm so stoked!" Bakugou watched as she swallowed half the toast in her mouth without chewing through it properly and stuck out her palm to shake his hand. "Lookin' forward ta workin' with ya, Bakugou-kun!"

"Oi oi oi… I thought I was gonna write the fuckin' script by myself. Are ya tellin' me that now I gotta clean up after Round-Face's shit writing?! That's different from what you nerds told me!" Bakugou slapped the pink-padded hand away and glared at the hapless class reps.

"Hey, you haven't even read it yet!" Uraraka complained before Iida or Yaoyorozu could muster up a dignified response. "And for your information, All Might-sensei liked what I've got so far! He tells me my writing is ~unique~ and ~unprecedented~!" She puffed her chest proudly.

One look at Glasses, Ponytail's, and even All Might's uneasy smiles told him more than enough. They really got him on board to fix Uraraka's shit, huh?! He grit his teeth and held back an impending blast from both hands.

"That said! Young Bakugou!" All Might patted him again on the shoulder reassuringly, a hopeful glint in his dark eyes. "I know that you're going to work splendidly with Young Uraraka! I expect nothing but a Plus Ultra script from you two!"

The first bell rang then, and from the dark depths of the teacher's table in front, Aizawa-sensei rose like the mythical Cthulhu from the depths of the ocean[2]. The dark aura spread throughout the bright classroom within a blink of an eye. "Go… to… your… damn… seats…"

The shock of it was enough to bring a fresh spurt of blood out of All Might's mouth.

"And that's my cue to leave!" All Might dashed out even before the grumpy dark-haired teacher could direct his quirk-erasing glare to him.

Bakugou grumped his way to his seat as Aizawa grumbled at all of them to settle their asses down on their assigned seats. But not before he sent a fresh, annoyed glare in the direction of Glasses and Round-Face's seats, fully intending it to have the destructive power of a deathray.

Blatantly ignoring his death aura, Uraraka gave him a brilliant smile and a thumbs-up. _Can't wait, Bakugou-kun!_ She seemed to say with her full cheeks, and Bakugou just thought of how long the next week was gonna be.

* * *

Bakugou seriously did _not_ want to work on Uraraka's dumbass script. It's not that he was bad at writing-in fact, beyond his good grades, he knew he was pretty good at it. Principal Nezu had personally informed him that the essay he submitted on "Why I Want To Be A Hero" was one of the most well-composed ones he's ever read.

It's just that Bakugou _hated_ fantasy. And _hated_ fiction-writing (because fiction was not real, therefore it was a waste of his fuckin' time).

Most of all though, he _hated_ having to work with other people to achieve any kind of common goal. Look at his damn stats for cooperativeness in the Official Character Book and anyone with half a brain would get it[3]. And to cooperate for a stupid ass waste of time like the Fantasy Festival? Who the hell thought up of the stupid Fantasy Festival anyway?! Weren't there more important things in society to worry about?

And the fact that he was working with Uraraka fuckin' Ochako was in itself pretty aggravating. It's not that he hated her, per se-in fact, she was one of the few to earn Bakugou's (grudging) respect, since their infamous Sports Festival encounter when they were first years. However, it's because of that festival that Uraraka learned _not_ to be the tiniest bit afraid of him anymore. In other words, he knew that this girl wouldn't be the type to just shut up and do what he tells her to, and he really didn't feel like making such an effort just to write a stupid play.

But now that he knew that fuckin' All Might was counting on him to write the script, well… he couldn't get out of it now, could he? Bakugou was many things, but a disappointment to All Might, he'd rather not be.

So that was how he found himself stomping his way away from the common areas to his room, with Uraraka bouncing right behind him. They were going to sit down there to look over her draft, but it was overrun by the costumes, set-design, and props people with all their shit.

"Why your room?" Uraraka said, huffing as she struggled to keep up with Bakugou's pace. "I don't think girls are allowed there…"

"Let 'em try to kick you out, Round-Face," he growled as he tapped on the elevator button impatiently.

"If you say so, Explodey-face," she teased, earning her a growl which was received with a giggle. This was what Bakugou was talking about. This damn girl knew no fear.

They eventually made it to his room, with Bakugou stomping the entire way and Uraraka skipping like an oblivious little red riding hood romping through the forest with a picnic basket, the purest picture of ignorance and innocence, unwitting of the ravenous wolf who lurked in the foreboding shadows of the dark, nightmarish wood.

Ugh. Really, Bakugou? Already gearing yourself up to write this fuckin' fantasy shit? You guys haven't even sat down yet. Don't be too fuckin' _eager._

"Uwaa, your room's amazing, Bakugou! I didn't think it would be so neat and sparkly~"

Much to his annoyance, Little Pink Riding Cheeks was already making herself right at home next to his desk. He felt a vein or two pop over his forehead, like in animes if they were in an anime. "Why the fuck wouldn't it be neat and sparkly?! You expect a guy like me to just live in a dump?!"

"I'm just sayin', I wish my room was as neat. I knew you were great at lots of things, but even cleaning?" she said wistfully. "Hey, I have an idea! Next time, let's go to my room, and-"

"I ain't helping you clean your damn room, Round-Face."

She pouted and innocently twiddled her thumbs. "I -wasn't- going to say that, but, you know, now that you mentioned it…"

He grit his teeth so loudly Uraraka gasped and asked him if his teeth were okay. "Let's just…! Get this fuckin' script over and done with already!"

"Eh, fine, fine. Sorry for teasin' ya! Watch yer blood pressure, a'ight?" She reached over to open her bag and pulled out a messy folder that was crumpled, filled to its limit with papers with tags pointing in all directions. A post-it with a messy scrawl on it flew out as she pulled out the mess. "So, this is what we're gonna be workin' on!"

"What the fuck is that mess? Did you fuckin' sit on it and flush it down the toilet and set it on fire?"

"How rude!" Uraraka puffed her cheeks. "I only sat on it once! On accident! And I don't bring homework to the toilet! That's just unladylike." She opened up the folder and revealed a disorganized array of handwritten scripts scrawled on legal pad, post-its, sketches, more post-its, reference photos of their classmates with post-its on them, receipts, a grocery list, and a few folded-up paper bags from Tokyu Hands.[4]

Bakugou's fingers itched. He spent so much energy restraining himself from fixing the mess that was now taking over his desk that he barely heard Uraraka's spiel.

"So, in the meeting which you missed, we drew lots. Everyone's working on the production and stuff but all of us will be acting in the play too. Some of us bit parts and stuff, but yeah. I asked everyone what they wanted their roles to be. Based on those ideas, I sketched out my ideas on what their characters would be."

She pulled out the sketches, and Bakugou had to admit, they weren't badly done. He would go so far as to say that she might have a talent in drawing. They were scratchy and messy, but Uraraka seemed to place great care in drawing out the likeness of each classmate, and the details of each character and costume and even background information were at least 70% fleshed out for each of them.

"So based on the lottery, Deku-kun's the lead character. You, me, Tsuyu-chan, and Todoroki-kun are gettin' large roles, plus we gotta pay attention to All-Might-sensei's important cameo. We're gonna write the story based on all of this! And, if we want to allot time for practice and stuff, we have to finish most of the script in a week!"

"The f- I'm gettin' a large role too?! Nobody said that!"

"It ain't my fault you weren't at the meeting, Bakugou-kun."

The blonde boy scowled as he went through the sketches. The fucking nerd Deku's role was that of a 'Squire' (but his costume made him look like a fucking Hobbit)[5]. Uraraka had a hood (fuckin' coincidence from his red riding hood fantasy earlier) and a staff, and she was a 'Mage'. Frog was a froggy lookin' barmaid. IcyHot was a Prince (probably of the Land of Half and Halfs where people were always shitty and constipated). All Might was a Legendary Knight in exile (also fitting, in a morbid sort of way).

And Bakugou was… a Bard. His sketch had him wear fuckin' poofy pants and a stupid fuckin' hat with a feather on it and a stupid shitty tiny harp that the chubby babies in those old fuckin' European paintings had. He all but made the paper disappear from a blast from his fist. "Oi, Roundface. Who's the fucker I gotta kill besides you for giving me this pansy-ass role?!"

"Hey, it's your fault. You weren't there yesterday." Uraraka repeated, not even the least bit apologetic. "And that thing you destroyed was a brilliant joint effort between me, Kirishima-kun and Kaminari-kun. Nice goin', Explodey-face."

"Fuck y'all! I'll kill those idiots!" He shredded the paper further. "Gimme that pencil!" Within seconds, he sketched out something different, muttering expletives the entire time. After he was done, he dumped the pencil on the desk, almost breaking it into tiny little pieces.

Uraraka gasped. "Wow, Bakugou! That's really impressive! A Dragon Tamer, huh?" She traced his sketch with one finger, which showed him with a fur cape, tattoos, a necklace made of the fuckin' skulls and teeth of his enemies, pants and boots, and lots of fire blazing in the background for extra badassery. She grinned at him teasingly. "So you _have_ been thinkin' about this so-called fantasy shit too!"

"Fuck you," he said, shoving her in the face unceremoniously. "Now I know that I gotta change that fuckin' script of yours. Let's just get this fuckin' shit over with."

"Okay…" Uraraka pulled out the legal pads, but shielded them from Bakugou. "Um. Just so you know, Bakugou, these are really, really, rough drafts, okay?"

His jaw jutted out in annoyance. "The fuck you mean by rough drafts. I thought I was just gonna edit your shit."

She gave him a ridiculous look. "Well, you are. But also, I started workin' on this just a week ago sooooo you gotta help me finish like a teeny bit of it."

"How fuckin' _teeny_ do you mean."

"Um. Like. 50% of it, mmmaybe…?"

Bakugou could almost see the smoke coming out of his own fuckin' nostrils.

"Anyway, that's exactly why we can't waste anymore time, right?" said Uraraka, a positive beam glowing out of both ears. "And don't you worry! The story's practically finished in my head!"

There's probably nothing in there but a single light bulb struggling to survive, thought Bakugou in annoyance. He put his palm to his face and tried his hardest not to yell at her. "Fine, Uraraka. Let's just fuckin' start already. No matter what, I'm kickin' you out of my room by 10 PM."

"Okay! Glad ya see it my way, Bakugou-kun!" She smiled and pulled out the first page of the script, which read:

 **\- Deku and the Final Fantastic Lord of the School of Wizardry!: The Legend of the Airbender's Song of Ice and Fire -**

 **(A Work in Progress)**

 **Act One, Scene One: In Which Deku-kun Leaves His House and Adventure Begins**

Written by: _Uraraka Ochako_

"The fuck? Are you trying to outdo Class B's lameass play from the last year's cultural festival, Round-face?"

"It's a work in progress! We can edit it out later." Uraraka said as she scribbled _Explodey McSplodeface_ next to her name on the by-line.

* * *

 _Our story begins, as many stories do, with the introduction of our hero! But as of this moment, he does not know that he is going to be a hero, nor does he know about the many obstacles that he will soon encounter!_

 _That hero's name, as you can guess from the title, is Deku! He lives in a little red mushroom house in the Shire of the Eastern Kingdom with his mom, and his everyday life is as normal as it can be!_

Oi, he's really from the fuckin' Shire?[6] He's really a fuckin' Hobbit? Aren't people going to sue us for that?

 _This Shire and that Shire are totally different! Let's not dwell too much on the importance of things like fantasy locations and copyright infringements! So let's go back to describing Deku and his life._

 _He is a young lad, of the ripe age of 15. All he's done in his life is a repetitive routine of eating two breakfasts a day, going to the nearby Wizard Middle School for standard classes, reading manga, collecting figurines and other Hero merchandise, and writing fanfics about his favorite Wizarding Heroes._

Wait, why the fuck is there manga in this world?! I thought this was a fantasy setting! And I know that fucking Deku is a nerd, but isn't writing him like this throwing him under the fucking bus?

 _In other words, a regular otaku! A hikkikomori-in-the-making![7] Have some shame, Deku-kun!_

"Hey, that's really mean, Narrator-san!" Deku says, even as he stretches out his limbs from writing fanfics and essays all day. "And that's not all I do! I'm also working hard to become the best Magic Knight there is! Like the legendary Magic Knight of Peace, All Might!"

 _Ah, yes! The legendary hero of Legend, the Magic Knight of Peace, All Might! Legend has it that he defeated the mysterious Dark Lord that almost destroyed the source of magic of the Kingdom of UA! The incident that happened ten years ago, that changed the shape of the land's future! That All Might! He is a hero of great renown and mystery, now that he has exiled himself for reasons that remain mysterious! What could the mystery be?_

That's a whole lot of magic and mystery, we get it. Can we please get back to introducing this fuckin' nerd? He's kinda stuck at the front door of his house waiting for the story to move on.

"That's right, Narrator-san. My sword's kinda heavy and my bag is really, really heavy and I'm not wearing shoes. Is it okay if I wear shoes? My feet aren't Hobbity-enough…"

Do it! Put your fucking nerd shoes on before they start suing us!

"Thanks, _Tsukkomi-_ Narrator-san![8]" Deku wears Basic Boots, adding +2 Move and +1 Speed to his stats.

Who you callin' _Tsukkomi_?! Also, now it's reading like the shittiest RPG ever!

"Ahh, that's better! The Basic Boots match my Basic Squire Cotton Suit and my Basic Squire Short Sword really well." Deku steps in place excitedly, now that his equipment and stats are way better. "Wait… aren't I going to be late for my first day of Squiring?"

 _Oh, that's right, Deku-kun! Make a run for it already!_

"R-right!" Deku, with his short sword, rations, and obsessive scrolls filled with notes on Magic Heroism, makes a run towards the direction of the Eastern Castle. He clears his throat and sings,

"This is the day, the very day  
The day where life begins!  
Adventure awaits, and they'll all say

'Deku! You're out of the house!  
So you're not such a waste to society after alllllll!'"

"... Hey, I'm not sure I like the lyrics to this song…"

Yeah, this is turning out to be a really depressing musical. I feel ya, you fuckin' nerd.

 _But along the way, our main character already stumbles upon the first obstacle of the day! That is… his tardiness from standing outside his front door for so long!_

And whose fuckin' fault is that, huh?!

 _Instead of being granted entry to the Eastern Castle, he is blocked by the the castle guards! They're a specialized force tasked with the protection of the Eastern King and the rest of the royal family, so you know they're pretty strong! The ones on duty on this fateful day are the legendary Sugar Knight, Satou-kun, and the Tentacle of the Battle of the Blackwater, Shouji-kun!_

Satou raises his arm. He has scars all over his body, one of which is an X-shaped scar over his cheek; a missing eye covered by an eyepatch; and a half dark angel's wing emerging from his right shoulder. He is carrying a glowing orb, sparkling with dark lightning, in his other hand. He has a Materia Blade strapped to his back. "Sorry buddy, you can't go in."

Why the fuck does this guard have a lot of scary looking hooks? Is he gonna have some intricate backstory?! Are you compensating for the fact that you have so little screentime in the anime?!

"I am but a humble castle guard who likes cake."

Then get rid of that fuckin' orb and that fuckin' One Winged Angel get up, oi![9] Why the fuck do you look so menacing, haa? What's a Materia Blade? Are you the Dark Lord?! Are you the final fucking boss?! Why are you showing your face so fuckin' early in the game?!

Shouji raises six arms. He is wearing the standard guard uniform. "That's right, buddy, you're late. A proper squire should be mindful of the time. Your knight masters cannot be made to wait for you."

And the guy with six arms is surprisingly proper without any fuckin' details whatsoever! We're not gonna talk about the Battle of the Blackwater?![10] This is kinda unbalanced, don't ya think?!

"Nonetheless, we are both proper castle guards," says Shouji matter-of-factly. He turns his attention back to the hapless main character, who stands teary-eyed outside the gate. "And you are five minutes late to the Squire Exams."

"Please, sirs! I had to be introduced and put on equipment and sing and stuff!" Deku begs. "Is there no way?"

Satou shakes his head, his wing twitching sympathetically. "Sorry, boy, breaking out into song with the rest of the village and issues with the narrators aren't valid excuses for tardiness. If you're lucky, there might be another opening in the next fortnight. But that's a big if."

"I can't believe it!" Deku cries in the throes of despair. "I totally missed my chance to become a squire! Woe is me… this makes me want to break out into a sad song…"

He turns around and walks to the direction of the town. "This is the day, the very day, the day my dreams are crushed… [reprise]… All of society's judging me now, the economy's in shambles…"

You didn't have to say [reprise]! But seriously, this soundtrack is really givin' me the blues. Earphones and Birdhead composed this sad shit together?! It's just the second fuckin' song and I already want to slit my wrists!

 _Rain begins to fall as our forlorn hero wanders aimlessly into the town. Deku is reluctant to go home and face his mother and have him admit that he'll spend another fortnight holing up in his tiny room in the Shire as a hopeless otaku who only has figurines for friends. The bookstore that sells his favorite Weekly Shonen JUMP is closed, the maid cafe he likes to frequent every now and then has a long line in front, and the nearby shoppe that sells the Hero merchandise he likes so much has recently been raided by rogues._

 _So fate has him wandering to a different place that he isn't used to-a tavern with actual 3D people._ [11]

"Narrator-san, am I really that bad? Am I that much of an otaku? You're really hurting my feelings, you know?" Deku says, eyes teary and face shadowed from despair.

 _He walks in the tavern, sits on a barstool, and raises his arm meekly. A very cute barmaid, already curious about this strange fellow, approaches him without fear._

" _Ribbit~_ ," greets the barmaid, her frog-like tongue stuck out cutely. "What can I get you, Lonely Traveler-chan?"

"I'd like a glass of ale, if you please, Miss Barmaid," Deku replies, already blushing and struggling against the cruel throes of puberty.

"Please. Call me Tsuyu-chan, _ribbit_ ," the barmaid replies nonchalantly. "And I'm afraid you're too young to drink any type of beer, _ribbit,_ so please drink this glass of milk instead."

"Oh that's fine! I love milk! And I also love respecting the laws regarding the legal age of alcohol beverage consumption in this land!"[12]

I mean I guess it's fuckin' great that there are drinking laws, but do we really need this PSA?

 _Deku-kun gladly drinks the milk offered by the barmaid. He then talks to her about the misfortunes of his day. Tsuyu-chan, being the most supportive, most popular, and top-performing hostess of that particular bar, favored by both rich geezers who have unstable home lives and young, alcoholic bums alike, lends him a willing ear._

Wait, it's a fuckin' cabaret?! Frog-Face is a cabaret girl?! Are they in the red light district?! We're keeping this PG, right?![13]

"I was going to be a hero, like the great All Might," Deku sighs sadly. "But I was late today for what was to be my first day as a squire. Now I've nothing to do, nowhere to go! I thought adventure awaited me, but I guess I was wrong."

The barmaid gives him a sympathetic ribbit and pats him on the back. "Tomorrow is another day, _ribbit._ We can always try again tomorrow."

Frog-face is the first likable character in this shitshow. Is she the heroine of this story?

 _Excuse me? Of course she isn't! We were just about to introduce the real heroine of the story!_ [14]

"I'm not the heroine? _ribbit,_ that makes me pretty sad too. Move over, lonely-traveler-chan, I need to drink my sorrows too, _ribbit…_ "

 _N-no, of course you also have an important role, Barmaid Tsuyu-chan! But the heroine in question happens to be in the bar too! And here is the moment she makes her presence known!_

"Ufufufufu!" A mysterious cloaked figure giggles next to Deku and Tsuyu-chan. "Do I hear somebody clamoring for… adventure?"

 _Simultaneously, the main character and the barmaid turn their attention to the mysterious stranger! She slowly takes off her cloak, revealing a stylish and cute face, with cute brown hair, with the distinct facial markings of a Mage! One look at her and you know her incredible level of magical ability! And her name?_

"I am Uraraka Ochako, a gravity Mage," says the cloaked figure, dramatically stepping on top of the bar piano, rose petals falling from the ceiling, the bar patrons all breaking into awed applause. "And I, too, am looking for adventure!"

I am editing the fuck out of this stupid scene, just so you know, Round-Face.

"Wow! An actual Mage!" says Deku and Tsuyu-chan in unison. "We can't believe our eyes!"

"Believe it!" Uraraka-chan swoops her cape from one direction to the other. She has a huge wooden staff in one hand. She gracefully steps towards the two characters. "And I can't help but overhear your dilemma, my sad-looking, milk-drinking friends! You say that you are sad that you missed your chance at being a squire?"

Deku nods. "That's right! I'm kinda concerned that you've been eavesdropping, but you're right!"

"Ufufufufu!" Uraraka-chan laughs again. "Well then, you're in luck! I just happen to be looking for other fellow adventurers like myself! What say you, young man? Do you want a chance at money, fame, fortune, and more money?"

"You… said money twice," says Deku cautiously, scooting some ways away from her with some apprehension in his eyes. "I'd… like some details, if you don't mind."

Tsuyu-chan the barmaid tilts her head. "That's right, Lone-Traveler-Chan. This is exactly how people get roped in pyramid schemes, _ribbit._ This is a scam, no matter how you look at it."

 _The Great Mage Uraraka responds to this insolence accordingly!_

"Come on, you guys, I ain't scammin' ya or anything!" She waves her hands frantically and points to a flyer on the bulletin board. "It's right there, 'kay! The Prince o' the Eastern Kingdom of UA's seekin' the help of a team of any o' us UA citizens ta complete an important mission!"

The Great Mage Uraraka's fuckin' Kansai-ben is slipping.[15]

"Oh, a mission, eh?" Deku-kun takes the flyer from the bulletin board. Excitement seeps into his previously weeping face, and, eyes lit up, he starts to read out the contents of the ad, in the form of song,

"The Prince of the East needs you, young adventurer!  
The Prince of the East needs you!  
Rewards and a feast for you, young adventurer!  
For the Prince of the East needs you!"

 _The young mage and the barmaid also sings with him for the next part of the song! They're all so incredibly talented that the rest of the bar sings along!_

"Don't wait another day, the chance might slip away!  
Bring three friends with you, four or five's not okay!  
Run to the Castle without delay, try not to be too late!

The Prince of the East needs you, young adventurer!  
Rewards and a feast for you, young adventurer!  
The Prince of the East needs youuuuu!"

"You sustained for your _life_ there, Barmaid-chan!" says Uraraka in admiration. She herself is struggling to catch her breath from the last falsetto.

"I try, _ribbit,_ I've had a frog in my throat forever." she says, confusing everyone else in the room. "By the way, call me Tsuyu-chan. I work here in Mos Eisley Bar and Restaurant, but I would like to adventure instead, _ribbit._ I'd like to join your party, if you don't mind."

"Me as well, Uraraka-san," says Deku, extending his hand to his new friends. "By the way, I am Deku, of the Shire. I'm an aspiring hero! I'd like to join you two for adventures!"

 _A pact was then made in that bar, among three strangers, now steadfast friends thirsty for adventure! But what does the Prince of the East need, exactly? Is there going to be a contest or a joust or an eating contest or something? What did they need to bring? What clothes do they need to wear?_

Come to think of it, those details shoulda been in the damn flyer! That damn Prince's HR department needs to step the fuck up!

 _What trials and tribulations await them? All these questions weighed in on our young hero's mind as he went home and prepared for the grand adventure the next day!_

"So, how is it, Bakugou-kun?" asked Uraraka brightly.

"I don't even know what the fuck to say, Round-Face!" The first few pages were now filled past the margins with Bakugou's annotations, Uraraka's annotations of Bakugou's annotations, and Bakugou's annotations of Uraraka's annotations of Bakugou's annotations.

"Come on, it ain't that bad, or is it?"

"Not that it's bad, but you weren't fuckin' kidding when you said _rough draft_!" He rubbed his hands over his hair. There was so much nitroglycerin there, his damn hair might explode later. "It's so rough you can use it to scrape off Shitty Hair's skin and he'd come out of it looking as smooth as a baby's ass!"

"Wow, that's a great allusion!" Uraraka pulled out a post it and scribbled the idea on it. "Maybe we can put it there somewhere…"

Bakugou growled, reached out, and practically _ate_ the post-it out of Uraraka's reach. "No crazy dialogue, Round-face! If this story gets any weirder we won't finish on time!"

"Oh… you're right, of course." A look of worry flashes in her hazel eyes briefly. Before Bakugou could wonder about it, the girl gasped and pointed at Bakugou's wall clock. "I'm sorry, Bakugou-kun… even though you said you'd kick me out by 10…"

It was already 11:05. Way past Bakugou's bedtime. Knowing it instantly reminded him of how tired he was. Maybe that was why he wasn't already committing frustrated homicide. He grumbled. "That's right, Round-Face, we're outta time. We really have to work faster if we want to finish this damn thing! No slacking!"

"Right!" Uraraka quickly stuffed all the papers into her messy folder-Bakugou's eye twitched, seeing the papers being folded this way and that without regard for any form of neatness. After he told her off for being so messy, she stood up and walked to the door.

"Say… Bakugou."

Big, round eyes looked up at him. The impulse to growl or grumble faded in his throat. Damn, he was really fucking tired. "Yeah, Round-Face."

She smiled at him gently. "I… had fun. I'm glad you're working on this with me."

He wasn't able to form a retort to that. The smile evolved into a cheesier grin. She waved at him and bounced her way out of the hallway.

Bakugou watched as she disappeared, a little stunned for some reason, before he remembered that he should be fuckin' irritated and shit because it was so late. Forcing himself to fume a little, he prepared himself for bed and slept with a determined scowl on his face.

* * *

 **AN:**

So I've been working on this for some time now; I recently posted a preview on my tumblr a few days ago and feedback has been good, so ^^' Obviously my style of writing has been influenced a lot by Gintama (my fav) so much so that my sense of humor tends to leak even to other fandoms. Sorry about that!

Just so no-one gets lost in all the references:  
[1] Hans Zimmer - German composer of many dramatic movie OSTs such as Gladiator, The Dark Knight Trilogy, and Dunkirk.  
[2] Cthulhu - "a Great Old One of great power that lies in a death-like slumber beneath the Pacific Ocean;" created by HP Lovecraft. I thought Aizawa could channel the Old One if he wanted to  
[3] Bakugou's stats in the official character book: Power 5/5; Speed 4/5; Technique 5/5; Intelligence 4/5; Cooperativeness 1/5. This boy has no hope  
[4] Tokyu Hands - a really cool department store in Japan! They recently had a collab with BNHA! The characters had stands in the department store and everything!  
[5] The Hobbit - are a fictional, diminutive, humanoid race who inhabit the lands of Middle-earth in J. R. R. Tolkien's fiction. They typically don't wear shoes. (Am I the only one who thought that Deku looked like a hobbit in the fantasy AU?)  
[6] The Shire - where the Hobbits make their little Hobbit Holes and live a generally unadventurous life. But like Uraraka says, this Shire and that Shire are different, so it should be okay? (Deku's little mushroom house is cute!)  
[7] Hikikomori - reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement. aka NEET (Not in Employment, Education or Training).  
[8] Tsukkomi - Boke and tsukkomi are loosely equivalent to the roles of "funny man" or "comic" (boke) and "straight man" (tsukkomi) in the comedy duos of western culture.  
[9] One-Winged Angel - Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. Satou's also carrying a Materia blade, also from FF7. (is it obvious how old I am? T_T)  
[10] Battle of the Blackwater - a historical, gamechanging battle from A Song of Ice and Fire by George RR Martin.  
[11] Uraraka's description of Deku - I based Uraraka's characterization in this story from BNHA Smash! She says something similar in the parody of the scene where she is describing Deku to Eraserhead in an attempt to let Deku pass the UA entrance exams.  
[12] Drinking laws - in Japan, the age limit is 21, i think? For us tho it's 18. In any case they're 16 in this story so they aren't allowed to drink, not even as pretend on stage!  
[13] Cabaret - another term for a Hostess Club; the implication being that Tsuyu-chan is the top Hostess in a night club. (which is why Bakugou is freaking out.)  
[14] The main heroine? - a reference to the BNHA Radio All Night Nippon dialogue between the seiyuus of Deku, Bakugou, and Uraraka; Uraraka's seiyuu shares how Iida's seiyuu thought that Tsuyu was the main heroine instead of Uraraka, so she told him off accordingly ^^'  
[15] Kansai-ben - Uraraka's 'country' accent; apparently she talks this way with her family?

Waaah this is tiring. I should go easy on the notes. Please let me know what you think so far, if you have any violent reactions etc. See you in the next update!


	2. Act 1 Scene 2

**Work in Progress  
Chapter 2: Act 1, Scene 2: In Which Deku-kun Meets the Prince of the East**

* * *

The next school day passed by as it usually did. Bakugou aced Mic-sensei's English pop quiz; he made great notes about Midnight-sensei's latest lecture on the evolution of hero costume design; Kirishima dragged him out of his seat for lunch at Lunch Rush; and to end the day, he beat the shit out of that grape head fucker during combat training under Aizawa-sensei.

Yes, the day went on as usual, except he kept writing and rewriting scenes from the play in his head. He knew he tended to be like this when he locks on to something-he becomes obsessive until he deems the thing perfect. And that damn Round Face's script was the next on his list.

Finally, the bell rang, and he threw all his things in his bag. He heard his classmates mill about the classroom stressfully, already talking about working on the play. He walked up to Uraraka, who was chatting with Glasses and Half-and-Half and that shitty Deku.

"Oi, Uraraka," he barked. "Let's go. We're wastin' daylight."

"W-Wha? Right now? Aren't we gonna rest a little, Bakugou?" she whined, her eyebrows knitting together in protest.

"Didn't I tell you yesterday we don't have time for slacking?!"

"Yeah, I know, but…" She rubbed the back of her neck and looked down, making the shadows under her eyes more obvious. "I mean, I'm still reeling from sparring with Satou-kun! He kinda kicked my ass back there!"

"Yeah… you were pretty close, Uraraka-san," chimed in Deku as he flipped through one of his fuckin' nerd notebooks. "It's impressive how much Satou-kun's improved though! It looks like the quality of sugar also boosts his quirk differently!"

'Satou-kun?' Bakugou accessed the Directory of Nicknames and Insults [DNI] from his memory, and came up with, 'Diabetes'. Ah, he's that muscle-head who needs to stuff his face with cake to fight.

He remembered watching Diabetes wipe the floor with Round-Face. Seemed she wasn't up her game today, and Diabetes had a fucking wedding cake's worth of energy. Though, as he always said about himself, he's just a humble guy who likes cake.

(He didn't always watch his classmates' boring fights, but he somehow always made it a point to watch Uraraka's fights, for no other reason than to see if Pink Cheeks had improved in any way since their last Sports Festival battle a year ago.)

(Or so he told himself).

Wait. Humble guy who likes cake. Oi! He's that fucker from the play with the evil orb and wing and fuckin' Materia Blade! "Materia Blade!" he said out loud accidentally upon the realization.

Shitty Deku and Glasses stared at him incredulously. However, Uraraka burst out into a fit of giggles. "Yes! Materia Blade!"

Somewhere behind him, he heard someone _whoop._ "See, Satou! Trust in the Materia Blade! You're gonna be the breakout star of this play!"

Bakugou swiftly turned around and glared at the source of the stupid proclamation which was that fuckin' Pikachu, to nobody's surprise. The blonde idiot was patting Diabetes on the shoulder. The latter's face was the very picture of regretting one's life choices. He growled and stomped his way to them. "So all that was _your_ idea?"

"Yep!" Kaminari puffed his chest proudly, oblivious to Bakugou's grumble. "Satou here needs to stand out more, so I helped him design his character! I took lots of inspiration from FF[1], as Satou's muscular physique reminded me of-"

"Stop right there," said Bakugou, pinching Kaminari's lips shut with his fingers. He turned to Diabetes- _Satou-kun,_ he amended in his head, and said, "Oi, Satou. Your character design's stupid. I fixed it."

Satou raised his eyebrows in surprise. Whether it was due to Bakugou's stern declaration, or the very fact that Bakugou was talking to him and addressed him by his actual name, remained to be known. "Er, that's great, Bakugou! I appreciate it. Do what you think you need to do for my character. I don't mind."

"Whaaaa? You butchered my design?!" complained Kaminari even as the rest of the class was mystified upon the development. "But I worked so hard on it!"

"You made him look like a rip-off who jumped in a tank of radioactive gunk! Are you telling me I gotta fix your shit too, fuckin' Kaminari?! Oi, Round-face, what did this fucker do to himself?"

Uraraka made that face where she's trying hard not to laugh out loud, but she ends up puffing her cheeks out and spurting air out like a whale. "Calm down, Explodey-face! We'll fix it when we get back to the dorms, 'aight? You're really excited about this, huh?" she teased.

Somewhere on the side, Kirishima sniffed dramatically. "I never thought I'd see the day! Our grumpy baby boy, Bakugou! Cooperating with other people and calling them by their real names! And excited about it! I think if I dropped out now, I'd have no regrets!"

Bakugou snarled at the Shitty Hair Who Dared. "Drop out and drop dead, Knuckles![2]" This earned him another round of raucous laughter. "Anyway, later Round-Face and I are showing all you idiots some parts of Act 1 we cleaned up! Shitty Deku! Frog-Face! Diabetes! Arms! you better start practicing your new and improved fucking lines!"

Going back to his directory of names, the class naturally went back to its usual state. Diabetes and Arms nodded in both awe and admiration and newfound respect. He heard Frog-Face croak something to the other green-haired nerd in amusement.

For all his efforts cleaning up the impending shitshow, he caught Ponytail looking at him gratefully from the side, and Glasses mouthing _keep up the good work_. Shit, they really relied on him that much to make this play make sense, huh? He grunted.

Later on, half the class walked home while half of them went to Don Quijote to shop for supplies, led by an over-excited Ponytail. After shoving the partially edited script in the bewildered Deku's face, Bakugou stomped his way up his room, followed by Uraraka who lagged some ways behind him.

Uraraka muttered a soft, "Hello, Bakulair~" before dropping her bag messily on the floor and dropping herself messily on his bed.

His eye twitched. The first time he got a girl in his bed, and it's Moon-Face over here who suddenly looked so tired she probably didn't' know her left from her right. "Did you go here for a fuckin' nap, Round-Face?"

"A nice idea~ Ah, mochi bed~" she said almost deliriously, her eyes already closed and her mouth in a tired, but satisfied smile. She whined when Bakugou pulled her off the bed by the arm. "Please, mom, I'll be okay after fifteen minutes~"

"You're gonna feel shittier if I let you nap now. Fuckin' hell, I knew somethin' was fuckin' off today," he grumbled. He positioned her to sit on a chair like she was a fuckin' mannequin and shoved an bunny slice of apple (which he cut expertly within a minute) in her mouth. She jolted in surprise at first, but was munching on it within seconds. "Let me guess. Your fat ass stayed up late last night to keep on working on the fuckin' script."

She swallowed guiltily. When Bakugou demanded an explanation, she looked away, puffed her cheeks, and said, "W-well… I just figured, since you have an old man sleep schedule, and we got lots to cover… I needed to finish some things by myself. I mean I get that it isn't good enough, but we really need to finish on time… That's all."

He chomped noisily through his own apple while glaring at her, making her squeak in actual fear. "What, you think I can't fuckin' do this with you or something? I ain't enough help for you, is that it?!"

"N-no, that's not it…"

"Listen here, Pink Cheeks, and listen good!" He leaned in so close to her the end of his nose touched hers. "Now that I'm on board, don't think of stupid things like _not good enough_ or _can't,_ a'ight?! Because if it's me, you can be damn sure that we'll finish on time and it'll be the best fuckin' script on the entire planet! Ya hear?!"

Pink Cheeks' cheeks were the color of maraschino cherries when she nodded.

"Right. So don't fuckin' lose sleep doing stupid things." He unzipped her bag and rustled through the mess of notebooks and food wrappers to get to the messy folder from before. "And… don't let Diabetes or anybody else kick your ass next time. You still owe me a rematch, so you better make yourself worth my damn time."

She blinked in astonishment. "Okay," she said, more awake and determined than ever. She let Bakugou open up their folder and began to read the script for him:

* * *

 **\- Deku and** **[** **Something that doesn't sound like a fuckin' rip-off]** **: [** **A sensible subtitle here] -**

 **(A Work in Progress)**

 **Act One, Scene Two: In Which Deku-Kun Meets the Prince of the East**

Written by: _Uraraka Ochako_ and [Explodey McSplodeFace] King Explosion Murder

* * *

 _-And so, the night passes, and morning comes over the peaceful Eastern Kingdom of UA. We see our hero Deku running through the town towards the Eastern Castle-_

"Oh, I'm not taking any chances today! I made sure I'm already here at the Castle, with all my equipment, WAAAYYYYY before the narration started! Which is before sunrise!" Deku says, obviously sleep-deprived, up to the sky. "Today, I swore not to be late!"

"Good job, boy," says Shouji and Satou, now both clad in standard issue Castle Guard uniforms. They gave him a total of eight thumbs up.

"That's good, _ribbit,_ " Tsuyu-chan the Barmaid, already present and fully awake, nods to him. "Ochako-chan the Mage is already here too, but it didn't look like she slept much last night."

Oi, Pink Cheeks, I know you're fuckin' tired but try to keep the Pink Cheeks in the fuckin' story awake! Do you plan on snoozing the entire time on the stage, haa?

The Great Mage Uraraka yawns and grumpily says, "It's 'cause my _mom_ didn't let me sleep. Told me that it'd make me feel worse. Even pulled me off my really soft, comfortable bed. Hmph!"

Oh, _now_ I'm the mom?! And now it's _your_ bed?! If I was your mother I'd wash out your damn mouth with bleach and reaper peppers! I'll kill you!

"Yep, my home life is pretty screwed up. It's why I'm gonna go off adventuring."

 _-That's tough, Uraraka-san the talented mage, I know just how you feel. But now, the early sun is rising in the sky, and the guards Satou-kun and Shouji-kun opens the gates and leads the eager adventurers to the courtyard!-_

"Wow, there's so many other adventurers!" Deku is amazed at the throng of people appearing all around. There are strong people he recognized from the same village, but also many strong looking travelers from the neighboring towns and cities that heeded the call of the Prince of the East. "They've come from all over the Eastern Kingdom! It looks like we're up against some tough competition!"

Uraraka nods at this astute observation. "I'm not from here, either, but I heard that the Prince of the East is a reserved fella who doesn't like makin' a lotta public appearances. I heard his last public appearance was when he was a wee baby! The fact that he's holdin' this contest outta nowhere and offerin' a huge reward is a pretty big deal ! You just know that it must be something really important!"

Tsuyu-chan puts a webbed finger to her mouth and asks, "The posters didn't say anything about what he needed help with, _ribbit._ Or what the reward was. Or what the minimum requirements for the job are. Or if we get health insurance or any other benefits, _ribbit._ "

Like I said, it's more of an HR blunder than anything! That shitty prince seriously needs to fire some people!

Deku nods nervously. "Maybe he needs to look for something?"

Uraraka nods back. "Maybe he wants to meet someone?"

Tsuyu-chan sings. "Maybe he needs to fight for something?"

The rest of the crowd sings, "Maybe it's all of that, or none!"

"Mysterious Prince of the East, what do you want?  
Mysterious Prince of the East, what do you need?  
Your loyal subjects are in your hands!  
Your royal subjects are on their knees!"

 _-There are others in the crowd, all aiming to capture the attention of the Prince and aiming to capture that sweet, sweet mystery reward! Let's introduce some of them! For instance, here is the infamous swashbuckling pirate crew, wanted in the Western and Southern Kingdoms for looting, pillaging, and toilet papering many a nobleman's house, The BakuSquad!-_

Can I sue? Can I fucking sue these idiots for still using BakuSquad? And I'm not even on there! It ain't the fuckin' Bakusquad without Baku!

 _Shush, Underline-kun! Our spotlight lands on the de facto captain of the Shippy McShipFace, the man who knows no fear and not much of other things either, Captain Kaminari Denki of the Ahch-To Sea!_

"Hey, Narrator-san, don't be so harsh! I'm just doing my best here!" Captain Kaminari complains.

And what part of your little brain is doing its fuckin' best, huh?! What kind of a name is Shippy McShipFace?!

"Don't you judge me! It was either that or Going Jerry[3] or The Cursed Black-Yellow Pearl[4]! My crew seriously beat me up when I suggested it!" The mighty Captain bellows to the sky, as the rest of his crew watches him in exhaustion.

So you're another miserable rip-off! I fucking knew it! How the hell are you the captain?!

"I'm glad you asked!" He tips his hat proudly and smugly continues. "It began in the East Bl*e, when I accidentally ate the Pika-Pika Fruit and gained-[5]"

Shut up! Shut uuuuppp! No-one asked for your rip-off backstory you goddamn extra!

"W-well, if you say so, Underline-kun." In the next moment, he swishes and swashes in satisfaction, tilts his feather hat, and looks over his competition smugly. "Well, BakuSquad, it looks like we've got this contest in the bag! Nobody looks like they're any match for us! Yo-ho-ho!"

"Right you are, Cap! Yo-ho-ho!" The ruthless Rogue, Ashido Mina, concurs. She steps in place excitedly, already ready to break-dance in victory. "If we win, we'll finally have enough money and supplies to find our missing comrade, Kirishima!"

"Right you are, Mina-chan!," says Kaminari with another swish. "We haven't seen him since the last drinking party on the ship, where we drank too much rum and subsequently lost him at sea! Yo-ho-ho!"

Yo-ho-ho my ass! You seriously drank yourselves stupid in the middle of the ocean and left Shitty Hair to drown?! What kinda captain are you?! I'm seriously suing you guys for putting my name in a bad light!

"I don't know, mateys," says First Mate Sero Hanta, also surveying the competition. "Some of these guys look like pushovers," he says this while pointing at a surprised Deku and an affronted Uraraka, "But those other guys look like they're bad news."

 _-And who is First Mate Sero pointing to? Why, none other than the stars of the Hunting Guild of the Mid-East, led by the fierce Huntress of Song, Jirou Kyoka! Rumored to be able to kill birds within a ten-mile radius with just the thunderous sound of her pulse, she is responsible for overhunting and the subsequent ruin of the hunting industry! It really messed up the local currency! It's seriously affecting the economy!-_

Why are all the characters a bunch of goddamn criminals? Is there anybody here who isn't shady?!

"Excuse you, _Tsukkomi_ Narrator-san. I have a hunting permit. My business is legit." Jirou snaps, and then glares at her competition. "And I don't think we have any problem here, guildmates. Looks like we can outsmart a good number of these thugs, at least."

Her guildmate Hagakure Tooru, the stealth archer, jumps around in excitement. "You're right, Leader Jirou! There's no way we'll lose to any of these newborn babes!"

"That's right," concurs Ojiro Mashirao, the disgraced _oniwabanshuu_ [6] _._ "Winning this competition and earning the trust of the Prince will improve our reputation greatly."

Why is there a fuckin' oniwabanshuu here?! I thought we were doing a Western-style fantasy!

"You know, in some Western-style fantasy stories, they include Eastern elements to the story too. It isn't uncommon to find characters based on samurai and ninja in the roster of the main characters. It's like FF.[7]" Ojiro points out calmly. His guildmates nod in agreement.

Again with FF?! Are we really going to rip off all the FF's for this play?! Do you know how many FF's there are already?!

"In any case," cuts in Jirou, not seeming the least bit worried about foreign laws that do not apply to the kingdom of UA, "We got this in the bag. But among the groups here, we have to be wary about _that one._ "

 _-And who is it that the Hunting Guild is pointing to? Finally, we turn our attention over to the last team! Their common ground? Nothing, really. Mineta Minoru, the disgraced former squire, happens to have extra money on him to hire a couple of people so he could enter the contest.-_

"Hahaha!" laughs Mineta. "Again I meet the foolish guard who kicked me out of their ranks after just one day of Squire school! But little do they know, this is part of my scheme to have a chance to once more woo the Prince's famous female personal guard! Ah, Lady Yaoyorozu, I cannot wait to see you again!" He drools shamelessly as he thinks of the Lady and her famous armor.

Now there's something I won't ever fuckin' touch with a twenty foot pole. Oi, Round-Face, do we _really_ need to write this shitty pervert in the story? He's the worst criminal out of all of them!

 _-I get it, I get it, but we need to. Believe me, I asked the Prez.-_

The infamous necromancer who allows himself to be possessed by the dead wizard Dark Shadow, Tokoyami Fumikage, stalks behind him in shame. "… there is a darkness within you that even I dare not tread. Perhaps coming to assist you in this fool's errand was an ill-conceived plan."

"Oi, don't back out on me now, Tokoyami! I paid you and everything! And you too, Koda!"

[I'm only went with you just so I could I have the least screentime in the play] Koda signs frantically. [I want to go home and sleep]

 _-Big mood, Koda-kun!-_

Agreed.

 _-And so our spotlight once more falls over Deku-kun, who, upon looking at the fired-up and colorful cast, is now more excited than ever! He thinks in his heart that even though he won't be a knight, at least not for some time, adventure is still so close he could taste it!-_

"This is it, friends! Adventurers!" Deku puts his hand in the middle of them, and Uraraka and Tsuyu-chan puts their hands on top of his.

"For the Prince of the East!"

"Mysterious Prince of the East, _why_ do you want?  
Mysterious Prince of the East, _why_ do you need?  
Your loyal subjects are on their heads!  
Your royal subjects are on their feet!  
Mysterious Prince of the East! (Who could you be?)  
Mysterious Prince of the East! (Who could you be?)  
Mysterious Prince of the Eeeeeeaaaaaaaast-"

" _C'est moi_!"

 _-The song number dies down abruptly, and a grand procession comes in, carrying a shimmering, sparkling throne! On it sits a dazzling Princely figure, in a set of armor so polished he looks like a star! His blonde hair shimmers like summer, and his purple eyes look like the night sky! A rain of confetti precedes his procession, so festive is his entrance! He winks, and holographic lasers shoot out from behind his throne made of glitter-embedded platinum and Swarovski crystal fleur-de-lis-_

Tone it down, Round-Face! Did ya think of how much this scene alone is gonna cost us?! Fuck, if you make Ponytail make this shit there'll be nothing left of her to come to school the next day! It's not like Sparkles will die if we turn the lasers down a notch, god!

The crowd breaks into astonished whispers and proclamations. "Finally! The Prince! The Prince! The Prince of the East!"

" _Oui, c'est moi_!" The blonde repeats, fluttering his royal eyelashes. "Good morning, my royal subjects! This is my first public showing after ages and ages! I hope this day finds you well, _bonjour!_ "

The crowd claps and revels in the sparkliness of the display. "The Prince looks really princely, doesn't he?" says Uraraka, already enchanted by the sparkles.

Deku worries over his lower lip. "He isn't… what I expected, though."

 _-Beside the princely figure, a sturdy knight, clad in armor of pure silver with engines on his legs, stands up and surveys the ones who heeded the call of the prince. He fixes his glasses and addresses the crowd.-_

"Hear ye, hear ye! My name is Sir Iida Tenya, and I am the personal guard of the Prince of the East! On behalf of the King, as well as the rest of the royal family, let me say, thank you very much for your service!"

"Uwah! He didn't bring Lady Yaoyorozu!"' Mineta curses. "Just the boring Glasses Knight! This blows!"

"I heard that, you knave! I'll have you in the gallows by sundown if you show any of us further disrespect!" Sir Iida clears his throat and resumes his announcement. "Now, as we have informed the country, we will only allow a group of three individuals to assist the Prince in his mission, which will remain confidential until we decide on the rightful adventurers!"

He booms once more. "Now listen! The contest is simple! Please, listen to the Prince as he tells you of your task for today!"

Everyone waits with bated breath as the sparkling blonde taps his fingers to his chin. "Hm. Wait, there's a contest? What are we going to do again? Class president, help me!"

Oi, Sparkles, get it together! Also, he ain't the class president, he's your fucking personal guard!

"The task is this!" Pretending not to hear anything, Sir Iida raises his arm over the crowd and chops it down with strength. "Let the first man who lays down his sword in front of the crowned Prince of the East and offers his services to the Kingdom, win!"

 _A beat of silence envelopes the crowd, and each opponent stares each other down fiercely!_

"Is that it? So if I jump on the stage right now with my sword, I'll win?" Captain Kaminari says, before sprinting to the direction of the stage. "Too easy, too easy! The reward is mine! This is for the BakuSqua-AAAAH!"

He is stopped by a whip wielded by the Huntress of Song, Jirou. Another crack of the whip, and the sword is out of his hands. "Of course, doing that requires that you have a sword, and that we'll let you go on that stage. Which we won't."

"Not like I'll let you win either!" Mineta declares, wiping down his mouth like a disgusting old geezer. "Lady Yaoyorozu is mine!"

 _-And with that declaration, an all out brawl (to be choreographed expertly by Mina-chan) breaks out on the field!-_

They're not really gonna beat the shit out of each other on stage?

 _Aizawa-sensei says we can't use our quirks for the play._

Boring.

 _-Sucks, right? But it's either that or he'll kick our asses back to first year middle school (or so he says). Anyways! The brawl ensues, and in the end, it is First Mate Sero-kun, carrying his captain's sword, and the fearless Oniwabanshuu Ojirou-kun, with the sword that their stealth archer stole from the Squire Mineta, who are running towards the stage!-_

 _-And as it turns out, they jump on the stage and lay down their swords at the same time!-_

" _Mon dieu!_ "

"My Prince! It is decided!" Jirou hops from the crowd and bows low next to her guildmate. "The Hunting Guild won the race, so leave your trouble for us to face! If it please your grace!"

"No!" Kaminari hops on next to his First Mate, and after a fist bump, he points a finger at the Sparkling Prince. "This Hunting Guild doesn't know its place! The reward should go the Bakusquad's hands, in this case!" He flourishes his hands in front of him and gives a fancy bow. "If it please your grace!"

"I cannot believe we lost!" cries Uraraka in despair. "The precious reward money! What a waste!"

Tsuyu-chan croaks sadly. "I can't believe it either, _ribbit…_ we tried so hard! What a disgrace!"

 _-And yet, Deku notices that the man on the throne is not saying anything, nor his trusted Engine Knight! The moments stretch before him, and the suspicion in him grew and grew! And that's when he puts two and two together!-_

"The battle… is not yet won! Don't lose face!"

 _Uraraka, the bewildered mage, and Tsuyu-chan, the bewildered barmaid, looks at him incredulously! He faces the crowd, sword in hand, his eyes searching, and searching…_

"The mysterious Prince of the East, I've writ in my notes," sings Deku, as he moves forward to the crowd. "And I feel, in this crowd, I know him the most! The man of Ice, the man of Fire, the man of my, heart's desire-"

Your inner fujoshi[8] is showing, Round-face. Let me know in advance if this is gonna be a shitty BL between that fuckin' Deku and Icyhot so I could personally throw up all over your face.

 _-Excuse you! Kyoka-chan wrote the lyrics to this one. But they're good lyrics. We ain't changin' 'em!-_

Deku clears his throat in embarrassment. "And I know who he is now! The Mysterious Prince of the East is-"

[Mysterious Prince of the East! (Who could you be?)  
Mysterious Prince of the East! (Who could you be?)  
Mysterious Prince of the Eeeeeeaaaaaaaast-]

 _-Deku knows very well who the Prince should be among the countless others in the crowd. After all, he's researched all the heroes and magic and their bloodline, and the crowned Prince is the next in line to the throne of Ice and Fire Magic! Without a trace of doubt in his mind, Deku walks to the bleachers and falls to his knees in front of a cloaked man, who is flanked on his side by a beautiful cloaked woman! His sword is in front of him, and the crowd parts before him in awe!-_

"It's you!" Deku says breathlessly before prostating himself completely in front of the mysterious man. "Your Highness-"

 _The cloak falls, revealing the Real Crowned Prince of the Eastern Kingdom, the heir to the throne occupied by the present King Todoroki Enji! The Man of Ice and Fire, the one and only…!_

"Prince Shouto. Pleasure to meet you all." He nods to the stunned crowd.

Jesus. He's as dull in the fuckin' play as he is in real life. Can we to get him to act as anything else other than a fuckin' dead fish?

The woman next to him removes her cloak and stands in front of the true Prince protectively. She is obviously his personal guard. Somewhere in the crowd, a wretched, frustrated scream laments something about Lady Yaoyorozu, which is briskly followed by the sound of someone wrapping someone up in tape.

"And you, my friend, won the contest," says Prince Shouto, turning his attention back to Deku. "So. Congratulations. What's your name?"

"I'm Deku! Of the Shire!" he shouts, and quickly pulls his companions next to him. "These are my friends, the Gravity Mage Uraraka Ochako, and Mos Eisley's number one barmaid, Asu-I mean, Tsuyu-chan! We are happy for the privilege to serve you, your highness!"

 _-The crowd goes wild! Tsuyu-chan is happy and proud that her life has changed! The Gravity Mage Uraraka is one step closer to the feast and the reward money! And Deku is just so happy that his otaku level obsession with heroes and their family trees helped them secure their victory! He's so happy that he's crying like a new born baby after being slam dunked into a tub of baptismal water!-_

Sounds like fuckin' Deku all right. But can we please not have him cry on stage? I swear I'll strangle someone if I have to hear his fuckin' wailing!

 _-A celebration erupts in the castle! Even the losers are invited to the afterparty! There is lots of food, and music, and dancing, as the Eastern Kingdom is finally introduced to the mysterious Prince of the East!-_

 _-And soon after that, our heroes Deku and Tsuyu-chan follows Prince Shouto and the Princeguard to the throne room while the great mage Uraraka falls asleep on the floor with a thud-_

…

* * *

"Round-face. Oi. Wake up, you're droolin' on the script."

"Zzzzz."

Bakugou shook her gently by the shoulders, but she didn't even stir.

"Fuckin' angel face." He grumbled under his breath. He looked up at his clock. It wasn't that late-it was only 9:05 in the evening, but they were working on the script since they got home from school, and she was already complaining of being exhausted way before then. He supposed it was only a matter of time before she collapsed.

It was only then that Bakugou noticed that, apart from the apples earlier, they haven't eaten anything yet. "I'm gonna cook something. If you don't wake up now, I sure as fuck ain't makin' you dinner later even if you fuckin' begged me."

Not that he'd ever made her dinner before, or really _wanted_ to. So why the hell did he say that? He stared at her and tried to remember how he ever came up with the condescending nickname _angel face,_ when this was the first time that he saw her face lookin' so peaceful and fuckin' _angelic_ like it did then.

It suddenly didn't feel like an insult at all.

He prodded one cheek as a last half-hearted attempt to wake her up. It did nothing but make the soft fat pads underneath her smooth skin ripple under his touch. Shrugging, he fished out one of his blankets out of his closet and threw it carelessly over her shoulders. His hand brushed her hazelnut hair briefly, making it emit a sweet scent that could only belong to someone like her.

He must be really hungry. He turned away, snorting once, and went out of his room in search of dinner.

Behind him, Uraraka Ochako sighed contentedly in her sleep.

* * *

 **AN:** Here are the noooootes!  
[1] Of course Kaminari is talking about FF7-the second best FF after FF Tactics  
[2] Knuckles the Echidna. Am I the only one who's noticed. On that note, Iida is Sonic, Ojiro is Tails, and Hatsume could be Robotnik if she wants to  
[3] Going Merry was the first ship of the Straw Hat Pirates from One Piece. (I'm not crying, you are.) Who the hell is Jerry though?!  
[4] The Black Pearl, from Pirates of the Carribean. Kaminari would make a really good Jack Sparrow, wouldn't he?  
[5] Again, another One Piece shoutout! I hope they do a crossover one day!  
[6] Oniwabanshuu - Ojiro's Fantasy AU design looks like a ninja! He'd totally fit in the Oniwabanshuu!  
[7] In FF Tactics (the best FF for me), even though it's a Western-style fantasy, for some reason there're Eastern job classes available, like Samurai and Ninja and even Oracle.  
[8] Fujoshi - 'dirty girl' - girls who like BL (boys love) and yaoi. (e.g. yours truly)

This story is really fun to write... I feel destressed writing it aaah. It's really fun writing the play itself, and apart from the Kacchako fluff, writing Bakugou opening up to his classmates is so fulfilling. Weird where this story is going lol.

FFNet's formatting is weird... sorry :(

See you in the next update next week!


	3. Act 1 Scene 3

**Work in Progress  
Act One, Scene Three: In Which Deku-Kun Is Given An Important Mission**

Bakugou rubbed his face in frustration as he waited outside his room for Frog-face. It was 11:30 PM, 1 hour and 30 fuckin' minutes past his bedtime, and again he has Round-Face to thank for destroying his sleep schedule.

He didn't have to wait too long before Frog-Face's figure appeared in the hallway. She gave him a thumbs-up. "She's okay now, _ribbit._ I made sure her quirk was deactivated and her gloves are on."

Bakugou grunted in affirmation. "Does this shit happen to Round-Face all the time?"

Frog shook her head. "As long as she wears gloves and keeps her windows closed it's not a problem, _ribbit_. Let me say sorry for her, for making your desk and your other things float to the ceiling, Bakugou-chan."

"Don't bother. I'm wringin' out the apology from her fat ass tomorrow. Personally."

Frog-face- _Tsuyu-chan,_ his brain amended automatically, for some reason-giggle-croaked at his remark. Here was another classmate of his who wasn't afraid of him at all. But it wasn't the ignorant type of fearlessness that the so-called Bakusquad had for him, which was respectable in itself. Uraraka told him way before that the reason why Frog treated him that way was because she was sure that a guy like him wouldn't do harm unless it was necessary.

This must be why she was written by Uraraka to be so likable, thought Bakugou. No matter who she was talking to, she was nice and natural and straightforward. "Okay, _ribbit_. But don't be too harsh on her. She's working really hard on this festival, and she's doing her best on the script. She says she doesn't want to let you… or anybody else from the class down."

He raised a skeptical eyebrow at the pause between 'you' and 'anybody else'. He knew that Uraraka was weirdly dedicated to working on this stupid script, and was also weirdly happy about having _him_ work on it too. Although he never asked her why. He had just assumed that it was some cheesy solidarity thing with the rest of class.

The way Frog-face went on though, it probably didn't mean anything. "If you want help fixing your stuff, I can help you, _ribbit._ " offered Tsuyu.

"Don't bother." He somehow managed to make the floating Uraraka to deactivate her quirk in her sleep. It involved high-fiving her so he would float to the ceiling right next to her, and then awkwardly bringing his arms around her to clasp her hands together to activate the release mechanism.

They fell to the bed in one messy heap, with Bakugou cushioning her fall. His desk crashed to the ground shortly after. Miraculously, Uraraka remained asleep through it all, and even had the _audacity_ to snuggle closer to him as he lay there nauseated with all his breath out of his lungs.

(He tried not to think about how fuckin' _soft_ she was then-damn, how was it possible for a human being to be so warm and soft? Was her entire body made of marshmallows?)

Tsuyu stared at him in amusement. "If you say so, Bakugou-kun. I guess I should go back now." She gave him a frog-like smile. "By the way, you two did a good job on the script, _kero._ We had fun at rehearsals today."

 _Fun?_ Again with that word. Round-face also told him she had _fun_ with him while giving him that weird happy hamster face. He tried not to make his face too odd as he answered, "Of course we did a fuckin' good job. Why wouldn't we?" was all he said, turning his head away.

Tsuyu-chan croaked something that sounded like _tsundere_ (which the pissed-off blonde decided to ignore) and said goodnight. Bakugou went back to his room, brushed his teeth furiously, and went to bed.

 _Fun,_ his tired brain repeated weirdly, before he succumbed to sleep.

* * *

The next school day passed quickly for Bakugou. He did great as usual, breezing through the day's pop quizzes and physical exercises like it was nothing. Before he knew it, the final bell rang, and everyone made their way to Heights Alliance.

As soon as they got to the dorms, 2A began practicing the fight scene and song numbers in the backyard. Bakugou watched the entire mess unfolding from his spot on the steps. While he usually didn't give a fuck about the rest of the extras, he figured he'd see if the changes he made to the script were too much for these idiots.

It didn't take too long before Kirishima fell beside him. "Yo, Baku-bro! Giving judgy eyes at everyone, I see!"

"Thank you Captain Obvious," he said mockingly. He didn't shoo him away, though. The off-key caterwauls of the pirate crew singing their introduction spiel was starting to get on his nerves and he needed something else to listen to, even though it's just shitty hair's usual banter. "Are you done carving props under your armpit or something, Hair-for-Brains?"

Kirishima raised a bottle of Gatorade as a response. "While I don't have a role in the edited script yet, I'm doing set design and backgrounds. Just takin' a break," he said. "Speaking of which, bro, when are _we_ making an appearance in the play, huh?!"

Bakugou scowled. "Good fuckin' question." Uraraka probably needed to change the story dramatically when he scrapped the stupid ass Bard role.

"Hey," somebody called from beside him. Bakugou looked up briefly to see that purple-haired transfer kid regarding them with a tired gaze. What's-his-face. Eyebags? Duster-head? Hannibal Jerkter? Mindfucker? Aizawa, jr.?

"Yo, Shinsou!" Kirishima waved. "You don't have a part yet, huh? Sit with us fellow role-less bros!"

Shinsou nodded, not even cringing at the terrible new group name that Shitty Hair came up with. He sat down fearlessly next to Bakugou. How many of his stupid classmates have forgotten how to fear him now? "Thanks man. They're pretty fuckin' terrible, huh," he said, addressing Bakugou.

Bakugou shrugged nonchalantly. This guy was the same fucker who gave the _I didn't come here to make friends_ cringey spiel before he transferred in, right?

"They're not that bad!" Kirishima said defensively, even as that shitty Deku failed at another high note. "And this is just the first practice. We'll be better in no time."

"If you say so," he said without an ounce of optimism in his voice. Shinsou exhaled tiredly. Why won't this fucker take a nap or something? When did he last sleep, last week? "I'm just hoping I don't get a lot of speaking lines."

"Ah. Scared of the stage?" Kirishima flexed one arm and pointed at himself. "Don't worry 'bout cold feet, man! Admitting your weaknesses is pretty manly! Leave it to me! I know a few exercises."

Bakugou narrowed his eyes when the purple-haired guy chuckled next to him. It sounded weirdly… self-deprecating. "Nah, I'm good at speaking in front of people. I mean, I have to be, you know, 'cause of my quirk."

"Oh… then what are you worried about?"

Shinsou rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and looked at the rest of their classmates practicing (which looked more like a brawl than a musical at this point). "Well… I dunno. You guys encountered me before a coupla times as an opponent, and you know how my quirk works…" He paused in unease, before carefully asking, "Are any of you comfortable exchanging lines with me? Be honest."

Kirishima, the most stupidly optimistic person within a 5 mile radius, proudly declared, "Sure I'm comfortable! Ya know what, I'm even hoping we get a scene together! I mean, you're a proper manly dude, Shinsou! I don't think you'd do anything to screw us over on purpose!"

Shinsou gave him a weak grin, before he turned to Bakugou. He was sure that the fact that he hasn't said anything out loud since Shinsou sat down with them didn't go unnoticed.

It wasn't that he didn't trust Mindfucker in a normal conversation. Bakugou knew that this guy wasn't just some rando who fucked around with his quirk carelessly. He must be pretty trustworthy if Aizawa-sensei took him into his own hands and backed up his transfer to the hero course.

Bakugou knew from the moment he saw the guy next to Aizawa-sensei from the joint traning course last year that he wouldn't be one of those fuckers who decided that he was villainous. He knew first hand how fucked up and shitty and unfair it was to be treated like that, just because of the nature of his quirk and his personality. And just like Shinsou, he was grateful to Eraserhead for understanding him and his true aspirations, going as far as giving a figurative middle finger to the media during that one press con.

So that was why he answered him, without any trace of fear, "Only an idiot would think that you're rotten at this point. Doesn't mean that I won't kick your ass if you used your quirk on me, though."

This earned him a guffaw from one side and a chuckle on the other. "Dude, if I used my quirk on you, I'd make you kick your own ass. But duly noted," replied Shinsou. It was hard to tell, but some of the dark edges on the other guy's face lessened. He even grinned a little, and Bakugou thought that he looked like a really tired version of the Cheshire Cat. Or a slightly less tired version of Aizawa-sensei.

"That's what I'm saying! If you have any haters, Bakugou and I are kicking their asses!" Kirishima gave him a reptilian grin and a thumbs up.

"... Just say the word, man. We'll kill those bastards for ya."

Shinsou and Kirishima stared at him as if he suddenly grew an extra head. He glared at them and growled, "What?!"

"Is that… my Baku-bro… being _supportive?!_ " Again, Kirishima was dramatically fake-crying. He didn't stop even when Bakugou was angrily whacking him over the head with his own half-empty bottle of Gatorade. "This is what we call character development, people! My boy's growing up!"

"Fuck you! Shitty hedgehog brain! Shut the fuck uuuuup!"

Their peaceful viewing of the disaster of a rehearsal ended then, with Bakugou trying to rip off all of Shitty Hair's hair, and Mindfucker watching the frustrated homicide with mild interest.

Uraraka jogged to their spot, obviously out of breath but cheeks flushed with excitement. "Hey, Kirishima-kun! Shinsou-kun! How you doin'? Me too thanks! Bakugou-kun, let's jet!"

"What the f-" before Bakugou could even finish his expletive, Uraraka already had a hand (with her pinky up) at the crook of his arm and they were running inside the dorm and up the stairs at high speed. "Oi, slow down, Round-face, do you gotta shit or something?!"

"Ahh! I gotta write now and write fast! Hurry, while I still have the ideas in my head!" Uraraka was leading them to the boys' dorm. Bakugou growled and slammed on the breaks by stomping his foot.

"What? What? Come on, 'Splodey-face! We gotta write!" Uraraka whined and stomped her feet in a mini-tantrum.

"Yeah, but like hell I'm letting you in _my_ room again!" Bakugou snarled. "Do you even remember what happened last night?!"

The girl tilted her head and peered at him curiously, as if expecting _him_ to answer the question. "Didn't I go to bed early last night? I woke up at like three in the morning 'cos I was sooo hungry and all I had was a bag of _kaki no tane_ I opened a week ago…"

It was Bakugou's turn to have a mini-tantrum stomping spree. "You! You fuckin' fell asleep in _my_ room and floated my fuckin' desk to the ceiling! I had to get Frog-Face to tongue you back to your room!" He only realized belatedly how icky that sounded, but stood his ground. "So no fuckin' way am I letting you back in my room again!"

"... oh. I thought I was just dreaming," said Uraraka with an _oopsie_ type of grin, as if she didn't cause an entire hour of inconvenience for him and Frog-face. "Well, you wanna go to my room instead? We can't use the common room, 'cause everyone else is there doing their own stuff…"

Bakugou scowled. Looking at Round Face, he just _knew_ that her room would be dirty and dusty and messy. And he _hated_ dirt and dust and messes-his natural hatred for it was multiplied tenfold back in their first year, when he was suspended and had to clean up after everyone's messes in the common areas for four whole fuckin' days.

But, it was either that, or have Uraraka make a mess in his own space again. Besides, how bad could her room be? He conceded with a reluctant grunt and let her lead the way.

* * *

It was worse than Bakugou expected.

As he entered the room, he felt an evil spirit emerge in the form of the stench of two weeks worth of biodegradables. Uraraka yelled as she realized that her undergarments were still hanging out to dry next to the window, exposed for the world to see. She screamed at Bakugou to close his eyes and stuffed everything unfolded in her drawers.

He was petrified, save for the angry twitch of his right lower eyelid. And it wasn't because Bakugou saw her pastel colored lacy underwear sets. Without fully realizing it, he held out his hand and growled, "… garbage bag…"

"... huh?"

"... Give me. A fuckin'. Garbage bag. NOOOOOOOOW"

Not waiting to be told a third time, Uraraka handed him a size XXXXXL garbage bag, after which Bakugou grabbed all the rubbish he could (which was a lot), all while yelling like he was attacking someone.

After clearing out the garbage and snarling at Uraraka to sort out the trash all by her damn self tomorrow, they finally had space to sit their asses down on the floor next to her coffee table. Uraraka couldn't sit still in her seat as she pulled out their folder.

"I had a lot of new ideas for your role, Bakugou! Are you excited?! Let's write let's write let's write!"

It looked like Uraraka entirely crossed out the mess that was the first title, and wrote the new one neatly above the old one:

* * *

 ****\- Deku and the Dragon Lord: The Legend of the Quirk Stones -  
(A Work in Progress) ** **

Written by _:_ _Sleepy Ass Round Face_ and King Explosion Murder

 ****Act One, Scene Three: In Which Deku-Kun Is Given An Important Mission** **

* * *

_-And so our troupe of heroes, Deku-kun, Tsuyu-chan, and the great mage Uraraka, under the pretense of finally hearing the mission, are escorted to the throne room by Prince Shouto and the members of the Princeguard!-_

Wasn't the fuckin' mage snoozing on the floor a minute ago? Ya know, like a complete idiot?

 _W-well, Tsuyu-chan helped her regain consciousness and stuff. You know, it's part of the standardized Barmaid training course to know how to manage somnolent individuals courteously from one place to another-_

You mean kicking drunkards outta the fuckin' bar?! Is that how ya want Frog-Face to do it in the play, haa?! Wait, how much did you drink in the damn feast? I thought there were underage drinking laws here, oi!

"Of course we respect the laws of the land!" Sir Iida yells to the ceiling sternly. "We do not dare serve anything with a drop of alcohol to these minors! Who do you take us for?!"

 _-Of course we know you follow the laws of the land, Sir Iida! You're the best when it comes to the law! He's also pretty good at making sure the citizens follow the rules, and making schedules and performance grids, knowing where all the exits are, all the important knightly stuff!-_

"Thank you very much, Narrator-san!"

That's just his job as fuckin' Class President!

"Those are important responsibilities in the entire Eastern Kingdom!" bellows Sir Iida to the ceiling. "I am merely practicing good governance! Fortunately, it's not an important part of the story, as our true ruler in this part of the country is King Todoroki Enji!"

 _-Please continue to work hard, Sir Iida!-_

"I shall!" Sir Iida clears his throat once more and turns his attention to the three winners of the contest. "Sir Deku-kun of the Shire! Lady Uraraka-kun, the Gravity Mage! And #1 Mos Eisley Hostess and Employee of the Month for 6 months straight, Lady Tsuyu-chan… kun!"

"... _ribbit…_ how embarrassing~" Tsuyu-chan croaks, her clammy skin turning scarlet.

"Because of your efforts, you have the privilege now of a private audience with Prince Todoroki Shouto, First of His Name, Third Son of King Todoroki Enji; Future Protector of the Eastern Realm, Fire and Ice Magician In Training, Blood Type O, Zodiac Sign Capricorn, 3rd Placer In the 2018 Character Popularity Poll, Seat Number-"[1]

"That's enough, Brigadier-General," says Prince Shouto sharply. He is increasingly uncomfortable as he notices Sir Deku of the Shire taking down notes furiously in his Hero Study scrolls. (While staring at him without breaking eye contact.)

"Oh. All right." Sir Iida blanches a little, but steps back as ordered.

 _-The Prince looks over his guests with interest! He wants to know more about them, but he mustn't forget his manners and fail to introduce his personal guard! After all, the Princeguard is an elite force of Magic Knights who goes wherever he goes! He decides to introduce his entourage to the three adventurers!-_

"... do I really have to?"

Just do it, fuckin' IcyHot! Do you want me to kill you, you bastard?!

"Hmph. Fine. But I think it's a waste of time." With a roll of his eyes, Prince Shouto clears his throat. "These are the knights of the Princeguard." He points to them one by one in succession. "This is General Yaoyorozu the Creation Knight. This is Brigadier-General Iida the Engine Knight. This is Lieutenant Aoyama, the Twinkling Knight."

 _-Your highness, please be a little more detailed! I took the trouble of writing out their profiles in the character book, you know?-_

" _Oui,_ I agree! Our tragic back stories deserve some mention, _non?_ " says Sir Aoyama, swishing his purple cape flashily.

"Do not demand so much of His Majesty!" Sir Iida shouts at the ceiling. He turns to Prince Shouto, and says with a deep bow, "If it please your grace, I can write a song on the spot about the Princeguard's stats, including origin stories, birthdays, blood types, interests, and trivia!"

How long is that fucking song going to be?! I think we only have a couple of hours max for this stupid play!

"That's not necessary, Brigadier-General. The most important person the audience needs to know here is His Highness," cuts in General Yaoyorozu, ponytail swishing sternly as if it was sentient. "Besides…" She points cautiously at Deku, who is already drooling at the prospect of more personal information, "isn't he a little _too_ excited over this?"

"Oh! D-d-don't mind me! Sir Iida, I'm ready to listen to your song! Even if it's just gonna be in the Director's Cut version! I'll look forward to the DVD!," Deku says, eyes sparkling and drool dripping.

Trying his hardest not to get creeped out, Prince Shouto sighs awkwardly. "Fine. I'll… expound." He clears his throat and points to himself. "If I'm Mustang," he begins, then points his finger to the Head of the Princeguard. "then General Yaoyorozu is Hawkeye."[2]

So you're just gonna casually rip off FMA now, you bastard?! As if we haven't ripped off from enough series already!

"Why not? I'd like to overthrow the Fuhrer… I mean, the King of the East too," mutters Prince Shouto, ignoring how General Yaoyorozu's face is turning as red as her cape. [3]

And now you're just casually saying really shady things, oi! Forget copyright laws, the fucking Princeguard should arrest you now for treason! You're gonna go to the fuckin' gallows, you fucking Half and Half prince!

"We would never…! Do not listen to this narrator, Prince Shouto! Just say the word, we'll escort the king out of his seat if you asked us to!" Sir Iida declares indignantly, karate-chopping furiously.

"See? No treason going on here." Prince Shouto smirks confidently. "By the way, going by the same metaphor… this guy is definitely Hughes."[4]

The Prince is a traitor to the crown! Also, does that mean, SPOILERS, Glasses over here is gonna die? Look at him, he's turning paper white!

"D-D-Don't b-be silly. Th-this isn't really FMA, after all. I mean, I don't have a wife and a small child and-" Nevertheless, Sir Iida continues to look nervous about the whole thing.

Sir Aoyama makes a pirouette and makes lights flash around him in a special technique that's hard to describe in the script. "And what about __moi__ , your majesty? Which FMA character am I? Can I be Major Armstrong?… or perhaps, General Armstrong? _Oui!_ "[5]

Prince Shouto looks away with an unreadable expression on his face. "… this isn't really FMA," he replies, making all the sparkles around the Twinkling Knight fall noisily all over the throne room.

You finally admitted it, you fucking IcyHot! You can't even look at Sparkles in the eye! Just how embarrassed are you of him, haa?!

"Let us get back to the more important matter at hand!" Sir Iida announces, facing the Hero Trio, who the audience has ignored for a bit too long now. "The three of you have proven yourselves brave and intelligent enough to earn the Prince's interest! However, this is just the first part of the test!"

Deku, Uraraka, and Tsuyu-chan looks at each other in confusion.

"It is not enough to solve the riddle of the Prince's identity! Now, we must embark in the Feats of Strengths!"[6]

 _-To the horror of the heroes, Sir Iida, Sir Aoyama, and Lady Yaoyorozu steps in front of them, weapons drawn, and goes into fighting stance! Prince Shouto sits on the throne and observes them quietly!-_

"No offense, my friends," sings Iida, stepping in front of Tsuyu-chan, sword in hand. "For you to fight once more today!"

"No offense, _mes amies,_ " Sir Aoyama sings, pushing his navel suggestively in Uraraka's direction, his sparkles floating around threateningly around him. " _Pour vous_ , it might end today!"

"No offense, but Full Offense," General Yaoyorozu sings, producing a giant shield in one hand and facing Deku fiercely. "For it's up to the Prince if you'll stay!"

 _-Our heroes look at each other fearfully, but also nod bravely! They take a deep breath, draw their weapons, and look forward, ready to fight!-_

"No offense, my friends," sings Tsuyu-chan, flexing her arm gamely in front of the Engine Knight, "If you'll lose face today!"

"FULL offense, _mes amies,_ " bellows Uraraka, wielding her staff and stomping her foot threateningly in front of the Knight of Everlasting Sparkles (and trying her hardest not to burst out into laughter), "'Cause we're kicking your butts today!"

"No offense! But full offense!" Deku pulls out his short sword and faces the Creation Knight bravely. "For the Prince will be begging us to stay!"

 _-Another battle ensues (again, to be gorgeously choreographed by Mina-chan)! Sir Iida tries in vain to lay a hand on Tsuyu-chan, but she leaps out of his way each time! Uraraka uses her masterful gravity magic to manipulate the tables, chairs, marble statues, antique vases, and full suits of armor to thwart and dodge the light saber that Sir Aoyama swings against her, like a Sith Lord fighting off Obi Wan Kenobi-_ [7]

Never mind how expensive the fuckin' production will be for a minor fight like this, now we're ripping off Star Wars too?! Also never mind that, Aizawa-sensei's gonna kick your asses for makin' a fuckin' mess with your quirks on stage!

 _Hori-sensei takes a lot of references from Star Wars anyway so it should be okay! Anyways, Deku bravely charges at Lady Yaoyorozu! But not only is she skilled at combat with a shield, she also has an impressive arsenal of other weapons! Like spears, swords, matryoshka bombs, Molotov cocktails, hand grenades, landmines, a set of Gatling guns, an AK-_

Who the fuck is she, Rambo?! Is she trying to kill Shitty Deku for real!? Never mind that, she might destroy the stage all together!

"I like guns. Because unlike swords and knives, you don't have to feel your victim die," quotes General Yaoyorozu as she creates a sniper on stage and aims for the green-haired Squire's head.[8]

"That's the Hawk's Eye for you," concurs Prince Shouto, as he watches Deku-kun yell bloody murder in front of him.

Now you're back to FMA?! Can we at least have the courtesy of ripping off one series at a time?!

"Waaah! _Tsukkomi-_ Narrator-san! Stop her right now! Before she turns me into barbecue!" cries Deku, dodging another blast from a Holy Hand Grenade ruthlessly thrown by Lady Yaoyorozu.[9]

And now you're asking me for help, Shitty Deku?! I'm doin' my fucking best here, oi! For the meantime, pick your own ass up off the floor!

 _-It is clear that the Knights and our heroes are evenly matched! Right before serious harm happens to either party, the crowned Prince stands up from his throne!-_

"I've seen enough." Prince Shouto walks through the smoke and chaos and ambles up to them calmly. The Knights of the Princeguard instantly stops fighting and stands in attention around him. "In my opinion, they pass."

Deku, Uraraka, and Tsuyu-chan looks up at him hopefully, but their faces fall as he turns to somebody lurking in the shadows of the throne room. "What about you?" asks Prince Shouto, facing the mysterious stranger.

 _-Our brave adventurers gasp as the mysterious stranger steps out of the shadows! A deadly purple aura invades the throne room, and Deku, Uraraka, and Tsuyu-chan step back in fear! The man has armor so dark it makes the room look like nighttime, a smile so wry it brings a shiver down everyone's spines, and eyebags so huge they should have their own jurisdiction!-_

The mystery man looks up at the ceiling so glumly that Deku starts to stammer, "It-it's okay, your eyebags aren't that huge, you look fine!"

 _-This is none other than… Shinsou Hitoshi! Also known as…-_

"The Bastard Prince of the North!" The Hero Trio cries in unison.

Uraraka elaborates, "The son borne of mysterious circumstances, now the next in line to the throne of the Northern Kingdom, presently under the iron rule of His Highness Aizawa Shota, the King in the North! _That_ Prince Shinsou Hitoshi, the Bastard of the Wall!"

I thought his fuckin' costume looked too fuckin' familiar! HBO's gonna come after our asses after all this is over, seriously! By the way, I'm editing out the fuckin' direwolf that's following him around!

"That's okay. Like my King, I prefer cats over direwolves," Prince Hitoshi says, shrugging. [10]

"... secret love child cough," coughs Prince Shouto discreetly.

"... I'll pretend I didn't hear anything." The Northern Prince mumbles. He steps closer to the trio and looks at them in scrutiny. "So these are the adventurers who heeded your call. Prince Shouto, I have to say, I am also impressed."

"So you are of the same opinion, Prince Hitoshi." Prince Shouto also nods. "I think it's time for us to tell them of the mission.

Fuckin' finally!

Deku, Uraraka, and Tsuyu-chan are made to sit on the floor, guarded by the Princeguard, as Prince Shouto and Prince Hitoshi command their attention. "Let's be clear at the start," begins the Half-and-Half prince, in the form of song. "We're not here to make friends."

"No we're not here to make friends," reiterates Prince Hitoshi, also singing. "We're fighting things beyond our control, but we're not here to make friends."

"... not here to make friends."

They stand side by side, similar deadpan, yet stubborn looks on their faces as they pace around. "We'd rather not work with you, but the world is close to the end.  
Magic is disappearing so fast, we might as well be dead.  
We didn't want to, but the country's borders we should beeeeend…."

They do a weird ring-around-the-rosie dance, which makes everybody else in the room feel awkward.

"And we're not here to make friends." They end the song with no flourish at all.

You put a post-it here that this was supposed to be a fanservice song! But this just makes me wanna kick the sticks outta both their asses!

 _-It was Hagakure-chan's idea… eh, we'll figure it out during rehearsals.-_

Uraraka raises her arm in curiosity. "Magic is disappearing? How do you mean? I was able to use my magic just a while ago!"

Prince Shouto faces her. "The Eastern Kingdom is exempt because of special circumstances, which I'll elaborate later. But in the rest of UA, magic is disappearing fast."

Prince Hitoshi also follows suit. "The situation in the North is especially dire. Apart from my King's special forces of Mind Magic users, nobody else is able to use magic. As such, our crops are failing, the economy is in shambles, the crime rate is up, tourism is at an all time low, the anti-vaxxers are spreading their influence, and the all-cause mortality rate across all age groups is higher than ever."

Fuck, that's really specific and downright dismal! At least this Prince of the North knows his shit.

"I didn't get these eyebags for nothing," sighs the Northerner.

Tsuyu-chan raises her arm next. "What could be causing the death in magic, _ribbit?_ "

"We don't know what caused it," Prince Shouto says pensively, "but we do know that the decline in the country's mana began…" He faces the audience and suspensefully deadpans, "… ** **Ten Years Ago.**** "

 _-The stage darkens, and everyone is shocked! Ten Years Ago? Wasn't that when…-_

"... All Might was exiled?" Deku gasps, standing up from his seat.

"Yes. Indeed." Prince Shouto nods. "Do any of you know what happened then?"

 _-Tsuyu-chan and Uraraka only have a vague idea of the events Ten Years Ago. All they know is that All Might was a great hero who fought a great evil that terrorized the land, and that the fight destroyed the Central City of UA. But Deku knew enough to put his knowledge to song.-_

Deku steps to the center of the stage. "Of course I know! I know, in theory… our hero All Might's story!"

"Ten years ago, I saw on TV  
The darkness surrounding old Central City!  
Some say it was demons, some say a monsoon  
Some say the Earth was getting crushed by the moon!

But All Might, with all his might, screamed, _I AM HERE!_  
And then just like that there was nothing to fear!  
He punched and he kicked and he went all berserk!  
Leaving nothing to King Endeavor, that ****fire-bearded jerk****!"

Deku realizes what he is singing and clamps his mouth, but the amused Prince Shouto only gestures for him to continue.

We need to fucking edit this song. IcyHot's old man is going to kill us.

 _-But Todoroki-kun co-wrote that one! He might not like it if we edited it out. -_

I don't fuckin' care what that half-and-half bastard wants, a lot of people are gonna murder us over this play as it is! Do you want his old man, the current number 1 hero, to lead the angry mob?!

"But at the end of the day, when evil's destroyed,  
Within all the rubble, All Might finds a lost boy.  
This theory's controversial, we don't know if it's true!  
But they say All Might messed up! And the boy's gone, _adieu_!"

" _Sacre bleu!"_ supplants Sir Aoyama, dramatically wailing in the background.

"Wow, Deku-kun, you sure do know a lot about what happened," Uraraka says in wonder. "But the last part is really abruptly written."

Deku nods, blushing furiously. "It's all fan theory at this point, but they say that the missing child is one of the reasons why All Might went into self-exile. And since everyone was evacuated before anyone could witness anything, nobody really understands what happened in the Central Kingdom."

Tsuyu croaks, "So what does this have to do with our mission?"

"I'm glad you asked." Prince Shouto claps his hands. General Yaoyorozu creates a map of the UA Kingdoms and shows it to the audience. "The mystery of the legendary battle ten years ago is directly related to the dwindling of UA's Mana. The fight occurred in the Central Kingdom." Here he points at something that is represented by a large, dark spot at the center of the map. "This is where the largest supply of Quirk Stones were stored."

"Oh! And the Quirk Stones are the source of magic! Magicians need to be close to them for magic to work!" Uraraka says in enlightenment. "… but the other kingdoms have their own supplies, right?"

Prince Hitoshi shakes his head. "There were mines in the North and the South, but the stones are all of poor quality and are all mined out now."

"That's terrible, _ribbit…_ It sounds pretty hopeless now," Tsuyu-chan says sadly.

"... we think there is a different source of magic that we can use. Something that is close to the Eastern Kingdom, which is also why magic users like Uraraka-san is still able to use magic." Prince Shouto attempts to point at something at the far end of the map, but he can't reach it. Sir Iida lifts him up by the waist until he is able to successfully point to it.

"... thank you," he says in mild embarrassment. He is pointing to an island further east from the Eastern Kingdom, labeled _Ground Zero._ "… the source seems to be here. And this is where your mission will be held."

"Ground Zero…" the Hero Trio reads together. "… so we have to find the source of magic and to bring it back to Central?" asks Uraraka.

"Yep, that's the gist of it."

Tsuyu-chan tilts her head. "… but why send civilians to do such an important job, __ribbit?__ Why not send any of your troops? Or the King's troops? Or even the Northern Troops, ribbit?"

Prince Shouto and Prince Hitoshi look at each other, a secret signal obvious between them. "Our Kings mustn't know," they sing in unison. "… it'll be a surprise!"

"Ribbit?"

"... a mysterious and wonderful birthday surprise!" They sing again in unison with perfectly deadpan faces.

"Oh, that's sweet!" says Uraraka, beaming like a lightbulb. "Your dads would love the surprise!"

That's a lie! That's obviously a shitty lie! Look at how Ponytail and Glasses are looking down on the floor really embarrassed about their shitty boss who's shit at telling lies!

"Furthermore," Prince Shouto adds, staring directly at Deku this time. "I suppose this mission is of special interest to you, my friend from the Shire of the Eastern Kingdom."

Deku steps back, a little nervous about the Prince's insinuation. "Why me, your majesty?"

"There's a special reason why I asked the civilians of the Eastern Kingdom to partake in this mission," Prince Shouto nods at General Yaoyorozu, who sets up a PowerPoint presentation in the middle of the throne room.

I knew this shitty universe was mixed up, but why didn't she use the PowerPoint from the start?!

".… and that special reason… is the mystery boy in the story."

 _-A wanted poster flashes before them! And imaged there is the photo of a child, a child familiar to our hero Deku-kun! He is taken aback! The world starts to spin at the familiarity of the photo!-_

"... that's… Kacchan!" he gasps dramatically.

Wait. It's me?! I'm the mystery boy?!

Uraraka and Tsuyu look over to him in surprise. Sir Iida declares, "So you actually know this villainous man!"

Deku stammers in protest. "Kacchan's no villain! He's my friend! He's the first person who called me Shitty Fuckin' Deku Nerd, Deku for short! I owe him a lot!"

Prince Shouto and Prince Hitoshi nod at the same time. "We figured that we'll find a civilian who knew him. The Mystery Child, a former Eastern Kingdom Resident, and the one who we believe stole the last remaining Quirk Stones and its guardian from the Central Kingdom, and thus caused the hero All Might's exile, and UA's eventual demise."

"… Your mission," Prince Shouto tells them gravely, pointing at the stressed Hero Trio, "is to capture the thief, Bakugou Katsuki, and bring him here. So we can bring him to justice."

* * *

Bakugou slammed his fist over the table, making Uraraka cry out in surprise. "Bakugou, what's…" she trailed off when she saw the deadly glare in his eyes.

"... what the fuck, Uraraka… what the fuck!" He was so mad he started crushing the paper in front of them. Smoke began to rise from within his fist. "What the hell is with this fucking story?!"

Uraraka stared at him with wide, brown eyes, all innocence and fright. Somehow it made Bakugou see more red than he thought possible. She pulled the burnables on the table away from him in a rush. "Bakugou, you're scaring me, why are you so pissed all of a sudden?"

"Pissed?! You're asking me why the fuck I'm fucking pissed?!" Indignant, he unwittingly assisted her in cleaning up her mess by sweeping all the shit off her table with one angry swing of his arm. Uraraka could only squeak as all her things, including a pink polka-dot coffee mug half-filled with Ovaltine, crashed on the ground with an awful sound.

"W-well, yeah! You kinda attacked my stuff out of nowhere! S-see, you even broke my mug-" Again, all she gave him was that flustered, innocent stare, as if she didn't do anything wrong. He wanted to shake her mochi brains out of that stupid round head, he was so fucking pissed.

The girl had herself angled away from him, ready to cower or dodge if he did something violent in the next minute. He tried to sort out his brain and set a limit to his profanities. "Why am I the fucking bad guy in this stupid ass shit play?!"

"H-huh? You're not the bad guy, Bakugou," she said as if it was nothing. "And even if you were, it's just a play-"

"Just a fuckin' PLAY?!" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was this girl not there during last year's drama? When those fucking villains kidnapped him because they claimed he had what it took to be a bad guy?

"Yeah-it's not real, it's fantasy, and besides that's not the point, you're not-"

Did she know about how the people talked shit about him on the internet, like it was perfectly __understandable__ that such a shitty thing would have happened to him? How the media relentlessly questioned the UA staff on why such a bad egg like him was kept in UA in the first place? Had this mochi-for-brains been agreeing with them all this time?

He was angry. But more than that, he's __hurt.__ You don't just tell Bakugou Katsuki he's a villain, not even as pretend. Not after all that stupid shit that no other person in this whole damn world deserved.

He didn't want to hear her excuses. He stood up from the table, cutting off her words effectively. Uraraka watched him, stunned, as he left and closed (not slammed, closed) the door behind him without another word.

He heard a quiet voice from her room calling out his name, more hurt and afraid than anything he's heard before. But he didn't care. He stalked off to his room, slammed the door, and didn't let anybody else in.

* * *

I promise I'm writing my other stories! But I needed to take a break from all sad things so I updated this first haha.  
Here are the noooootes!  
[1] A parody of how royalty is introduced on Game of Thrones lol  
[2] Todoroki is referring to FullMetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood)'s Col. Roy Mustang and Lt. Riza Hawkeye. There's lots of great fanart out there of TodoMomo as RoyAi, and I think a few fics as well!  
[3] Fuhrer Bradley = Endeavor? At least in Shouto's head lol  
[4] I'm sorry in advance for spoiling FMA for those who haven't watched. Yes... that happens to Brig. Gen. Hughes :( like Iida, he has glasses on lol that's probably the only similarity between them  
[5] The Armstrongs are also sparkly blondes like Aoyama (esp. Maj. Alex Louis Armstrong), which is why he wants to be them too  
[6] An important part of Festivus.  
[7] I hope Aoyama eventually applies his quirk as a laser sword or a lightsaber one day  
[8] Actual quote from Riza Hawkeye. I probably overdid the FMA rip off lol  
[9] The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, from Monty Python and the Holy Grail  
[10] Aizawa's costume looked too much like Jon Snow's from GoT! Hence Shinsou must look like that too. Maybe in place of the Stark's direwolves, they'd have giant kitty cats playing in the snow ^_^

Thanks for reading this so far! I'd love to hear your thoughts. See you next week!


	4. Act 1 Scene 4

**Work In Progress  
Act One, Scene Four: In Which We Find Out What Ground Zero Is About**

* * *

After his fight with Uraraka, Bakugou spent the rest of the evening simmering in silence.

As expected from the rest of the nosy fuckin' class, they went up to his door and bugged him group by group. First it was Shitty Hair, who asked him if he wanted him to use his quirk to punch his anger away. Then it was that shitty nerd Deku and shitty Glasses, who claimed they saved him some of the latter's shitty beef stew, so won't he come down and stuff his fucking face? Then it was Shitty Hair again, backed up by Raccoon Eyes and Pikachu and that Soysauce Hipster. Then it was that Mob character with the tail, and then Shitty Hair, and then Ponytail, Earphones, Shitty Hair again, Frog-Face, Ghost, Arms…

Fuck, he lost track, there were so many shitty extras who knocked on his fucking door that they might as well have broken it down. But he responded to them all the same: with eerie, un-Bakugou-like silence. Maybe that's why they were all freaked the fuck out. He heard Ponytail worrying outside about how it's entirely possible that he sneaked outside or some shit like a fuckin' delinquent, but Earphones assured her that she could still hear Bakugou's heartbeat somewhere in the room.

Fuckin' creeps. Well, let them shit themselves over him. Like he ever gave a fuck about anybody else. He turned to one side of his bed and stubbornly closed his eyes.

He probably fell asleep angrily at some point. He was probably too pissed off to dream of anything at all. When he opened his eyes, his eyes fell on his clock, which read 4:20 AM.

As soon as his stomach realized he was fully conscious, it growled angrily at him. He cursed under his bed. He was so fuckin' angry he went to sleep without dinner. He didn't really feel like going out of his room yet, but there was absolutely nothing to eat there, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to lie down angrily in peace if he didn't get a bite to eat.

He mumbled an early-morning expletive to himself as he stuffed his feet into his slippers. Maybe he should make eggs-on-rice or some shit. He didn't want to lower himself by eating shitty Glasses' beef stew, although the thought of it made his stupid stomach grumble again.

He stomped his way to the door, swung it wide open-

-and promptly tripped on a giant fucking ass caterpillar that blocked his path. "FUUUUU-" he yelled, before the ground got in the way of his face.

A rapid-fire sequence of curses flew out of his mouth as he scrambled to his feet. "What in the FUCK-" He was ready to fuckin' _exterminate_ whatever the shit it was that caused him this very rude awakening. Sparks began to fly out of his right hand as the caterpillar began to stir.

"... Bakugou…?" mumbled the caterpillar deliriously. Except it wasn't exactly a caterpillar. It turned to face him, and he was met with a drooling round face with flyaway chestnut hair. It blinked sleepily once, twice, and then all at once it sat up, letting its cocoon-like sleeping bag fall off her shoulders. "B-Bakugou! You're awake!"

"Fuckin' Roundface! What the fuck are you doing outside my fucking door?! The hell are you, a doorstop?!" The sparks emanating from his hand intensified as he growled this out.

But it looked like Round Face didn't care about this-rather, her eyes were focused on his face, not the rising threat of the explosives in his hand. Her eyes shone in a mixture of relief and apology as the seconds passed by. As if she couldn't help herself, she cried out once more, "Bakugoooouuuu!" before jumping from her spot and fuckin' _tackling_ the literal hell out of the explosive blonde, who grunted as his ass met the floor once more.

"The f-" The expletive died in his throat as he realized that Uraraka wasn't attacking him, but was rather _hugging_ him. Rather aggressively, he might add. It was a little too much to take, and all at half past four in the morning, and he had no other reaction but to freeze.

"You're here! I'm sorry for camping out here but I didn't know what else to do and you wouldn't answer the door and-"

"What the-have you been here all fuckin' night?!"

"Y-yes…" It was only then that he realized that she was cold. Shit, she really froze her ass out there waiting for him to come out of his room?

She buried her face into his chest and started murmuring as if she was that shitty Deku. It took him a minute to realize that the girl was shaking, and another minute to realize that she was _sobbing_ in his chest. "I'm-I'm sorry-I was stupid, I said something mean and I couldn't take it back…"

"Fuck." The girl continued murmuring shitty apologies into his chest. Two hands gripped his tank top so tightly, she could have probably ripped it off if she wanted to. He raised one hand over her back, at a loss at how to approach at first, before he decided to pat her on the back as gently as he could. "Oi. Stop that. You might make me float and shit."

As soon as he said it, he felt antigravity take over his body. He cursed under his breath as the two of them floated to the ceiling. He sighed in exasperation. "Round face, we're on the fucking ceiling, can you please calm the fuck down?" he grumbled, a little quieter this time.

She sniffed, looked down on the floor, and then up at Bakugou's face. "S… sorry… I keep messing up… I just want you to listen to me, okay? Since I got you where I want you now…"

"And that's the fucking ceiling?!" They remained in antigravity, with Bakugou's back pressing on the ceiling and Uraraka under him, her shiny Disney eyes looking up at him pleadingly and her front pressing onto his. Too close. Too fucking close. This was part of her ploy to get him to listen to her, wasn't it? He turned away, trying not to give in to the blush that wants to spread on his fucking face, and grumbled, "Say it, then."

"O… Okay." She turned her head too, and let her tear-stained cheek rest on his chest. "You're not a villain. You're _so_ not a villain. I never thought you were a villain, not even when you beat the shit outta me during the Sports Festival… And you're never gonna be a villain to me, ever, 'cause you're one of the… um, one of the best of the good guys out there."

The cheek on his chest got a little warmer as she said _beat the shit outta me_. Was it weird to think that she sounded really good when she cursed? He tried to keep himself from smiling.

"S… so, I want you to know that in the play… even though it's misleading at the start," She looked up at him again, her eyes flashing in determination, "You're actually one of the main good guys, next to Deku!"

He was momentarily stunned as the eyes gripped him full force. Uraraka kept the stare going, and all he was able to muster was a confused, "haa…?!"

"That's right!" Whatever his face looked like then, it made her smile brightly. It was like staring at the full moon that sat on the sky outside the window of the hallway. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before, but I wanted to surprise you, since I thought it was an amazing plot twist and I wanted to show off to you… I guess that was stupid of me, huh…?"

"Yeah. Fuckin' stupid." Despite this, there were no traces of anger that consumed him for the entire evening. "So… that all you have to say, Pink Cheeks?"

She nodded. "… yeah… so… are you gonna help me out again, or-"

"Are you gonna let me the fuck down from the ceiling if I say yes?"

He wasn't teasing at all, but she smiled at him as if he was. "Mmmaybe?"

He squeezed her cheeks so hard she squealed; the sound of it melted any last vestiges of the angry tension within him and between them. "All right, all right, please let me go, Bakugou, I surrender!"

His fingers released the plump flesh, which appeared a little pinker and puffier after the undue pressure he applied on them. She puffed her cheeks further, put all ten fingers together, and turned her quirk on and off in succession, until they landed on the floor as gently as possible with her quirk.

They straightened themselves out simultaneously. Uraraka was staring up at him as he stepped away. "What is it now?"

"Um," she began, putting two fingers together. "Y-you're hungry, aren't you? Iida-kun told me you skipped dinner…"

"What's it to you?"

She was about to stammer something again, before the growl of a stomach interrupted her. Bakugou only realized that it wasn't _his_ stomach this time, but hers, when her cheeks practically glowed in embarrassment.

"... I didn't eat anything either," she explained bashfully.

Bakugou grumbled. "You shouldn't fucking skip meals. It isn't healthy."

Uraraka was about to retort about the irony of his statement, but was cut off when the explosive blonde grumpily gestured for her to follow. Her eyes and cheeks brightened as she excitedly obliged.

Together, they rummaged through the cupboards and the fridge for leftovers. It was still dark out, and the rest of the dorm was silent. Despite his protests, Uraraka made him sit down and watch her cook something for a change.

Within the relative peace of the early morning, Bakugou was able to appreciate her mundane expertise: the satisfying sound of chillies being chopped on the board, the crackling of oil over heat, the scent of onion and garlic on the wok, the crack of eggshells, the flush on her cheeks as she tossed the rice over the flame. She produced two heaping bowls of Chinese fried rice for them both, and served this with beef stew. She looked proud as Bakugou munched through the meal without complaint, even when she herself turned red from all the chillies she put in there herself.

It was a challenge to keep his trademark scowl on, when she looked so funny gulping down milk, when she filled the air with her grandiose plans for their play, when the food was _so fuckin' good,_ when her cheeks were so pink they practically glowed in the dark.

Yet, Bakugou kept the scowl, kept it going even as he cleaned the dishes and put away the leftovers, kept it going even as he caught her drifting off into a more peaceful sleep on the common room couches.

He let himself listen to her quiet breathing next to her, his own eyes closed, until the first rays of the sun cut through a quiet sleep he didn't know he entered.

* * *

Somehow, Bakugou made it through the next of the school day without blowing shit up, although everyone was all up in his business, as expected. To absolutely nobody's surprise, Kirishima was the one who was all up in his face the most.

"Bakubroooo my best bro! My temperamental boy! I was so worried!" He was practically clinging to him like a goddamn barnacle on the Shippy McShipFace. It took a generous amount of expletives and maybe ten hard taps on his hard head with a rolled-up notebook before the redhead calmed down. "Glad to see your Baku-aura back in full force!"

Oddly, seeing him explode into a violent expletive-filled tirade seemed to bring a sense of peace to the rest of the fucking extras. "He's back to normal Explodey-Face mode! The world is in perfect balance again!" proclaimed Captain Dunceface, who earned himself his own notebook to the head.

"Yeah, fuck man, you scared us there," Tape Hipster told him as he lazily leaned back on his seat, not looking worried at all. "That was the first time any of us saw you so quiet. We thought maybe you were possessed. You know, like in Insidious. Kaminari was seriously shitting himself thinking about body snatchers and all that."

"Was not," mumbled the blonde.

"And we really don't know if he _isn't_ possessed," Raccoon-Eyes pointed out, feeling smug about herself. "But seriously, Bakugou... if it's really you and not just a spooky demon pretending to be you, give us a sign!"

"Fucking Raccoon! Pikashit! You two wanna see the other side that badly, haa? Want me to send you there?!"

"It's him! It's really him!" the so-called Bakusquad rejoiced so loudly that everyone in the rest of the classroom winced. They kept yelling, Shitty-Hair was ugly crying like Bakugou had just come home from war. What the actual fuck.

"But seriously Bakugou, what the heck was up with you?" Tape Hipster asked after his over-dramatic wailing. "I mean, we didn't see ya much after yesterday's dumpster fire of a rehearsal, and next thing we knew you were on lock-down in your room…"

Dumpster fire was right. Pikachu cringed at the term and added, "Yeah, were we that bad? I've been workin' on my falsetto like crazy, so you don't have to worry about anything else but awesome eargasms from now on~"

Yeah right. He'd beat the shit out of the electric blonde for bragging about the impossible. And again, once he does sing like a strangled cat during rehearsals again.

"But Bakubro and I watched you guys with Shin-bro! Your Baku-rage-aura wasn't that bad then," Kirishima said with discerning red eyes. "I mean, I even saw Uraraka-chan drag you upstairs to her room-"

An explosion came after that statement, but surprisingly the source is _not_ Bakugou.

"Waitwaitwait- _matte-_ waiiiiit!" Raccoon Eyes and Pikashit blabbered in his face at the same time. Bakugou didn't know which face to shove or ass to kick first. In the momentary confusion that follows, he registered some of the stupid rapid fire statements that came out of the Bottom Two disaster duo.

"You went up to Ochako-chan's room?! Like, just the two of you?!"

"What? What for?! Lovey-dovey stuff?! It's lovey-dovey stuff isn't it?!"

"Oh my G Bakugou you dog you?! How could you keep me in the dark, you _know_ I live vicariously through other people's dirty laundry-"

"Have you become a man, Bakugou?! A man before me?! That's harsh Baku-bro, you're stone cold-"

"I can't believe Kacchako is the first couple in the class?! I mean I wouldn't believe it but you're not as stupid as you look after all, Baku-"

"SHUT UUUUUP!" This time an actual explosion with sparks interrupted their stupid rambling.

Unfortunately, fuckers were used to him exploding every six hours or so, and this did very little to stop the stupid questions from flooding in. Far from looking dead or terrified, Raccoon-Eyes looked like she was _thriving_ once the smoke cleared. "You're not gettin' outta this one with your explosive tantrums, baby child," she said with a malicious grin. "So spill? You went up there for some serious lovey-dovey stuff and you went out all scary and quiet like an atomic bomb. What is _that._ "

He was entirely ready to blow up again and get it through their little shitty heads that there was none of that sickening lovey-dovey stuff going on between him and Uraraka, just good old fashioned script-writing and arguing over his shitty hero complex and… and crying up the ceiling and secret plot twists and early morning breakfasts and shit.

You know, normal classmate stuff. Not even friend stuff. Definitely none of that stupid romantic shit that these two dunces were shoving into his narrative. Because, yeah maybe it wasn't that normal squishing a girl's cheeks at ass-o-clock in the morning and thinking about how they're so nice and soft that he forgot what the hell he was angsting about all night, so-

Wait. What the fuck was his point in his mental rant?

He didn't get a chance to yell their heads off for being stupid and noisy, though, because right then and there the Roundcheeks-in-Question came traipsing in through the door with a speedwalking shitty nerd and Half-and-Half bastard in tow. Shitty Glasses' stick-up-his-ass speech about timeliness was loud enough to distract the group from questioning him further.

Uraraka met his eyes from across the room, eyes obviously sleep-deprived but brightening up once they meet his.

"Bakugou-kun!" she called with a wave, just as he wondered how in the hell her eyes did that because that plus the stupid stammering from Iida as she ignored his speech completely was a sight to see. "You're here early!"

And her bouncing, cheeks wobbling a bit as she does-what the fuck, was she a hamster? Did she store nuts up there, why the hell were they round? And why was it enjoyable to look at?

And why the fuck were all these extras looking at him like they just won the fucking lottery? It wasn't just fucking Raccoon Eyes and Shitty Hair. Pikashit looked at him with betrayal in his empty eyes, while Tape Hipster was hiding his stupid grin behind his giant hand. Mob-Character-With-Tail, who was pretending not to eavesdrop nearby, couldn't stop his tail from wagging like he was an overexcited labrador. Frog-Face had a weird shine in her big dead eyes, while that shitty fucking Nerd looked at Uraraka like she was walking on a minefield without proper safety gear but was sure that she'd make it out alive.

Heck, even Half-and-Half was looking at them with the slightest hint of interest in his stupid mismatched eyes. Which is saying something, if the densest stupid bastard in all the history of dense stupid bastards deemed the very _normal_ interaction in front of him worthy of his attention.

Bakugou's irritation rose leaps and bounds up to exponential levels, and it wasn't even the first bell yet. He tried his best not to explode in front of Uraraka though because he knew she slept in the cold for him and did the cooking and _why the fuck does he care._ "Always here early, Hamster-face. The fuck do you want."

"Eh. Grumpy as ever, Explodo-butt?" She grinned at him. "Just makin' sure you ain't bailin' out of later? We got lotsa work to do!"

"You don't gotta remind me, fuck." Stupid extras and their stupid stares, they weren't even making it obvious that they're listening in and being nosy like the stupid extras they are.

"Okay! Good!" She turned around to her group, stopped, and added, "You make dinner this time, okay Explodey? Make it good!"

"Why the fuck would I-"

"Later!" Without giving him space to argue, the space cadet bounced off to her spot at the back of the classroom next to Frog-Face.

And he's left with nothing to deal with but the sickening knowing smile on Cotton-Candy-Brain's face. And the gradient of disbelief on Soy-Sauce, Dunceface, and Shitty-Hair's.

"Holy fuck my ship is sailing-Bakugou I _demand_ to plan your wedding in two years-"

"A date?! A study-date?! Why are you living my dreams, Bakugou?!"

"Dude, _nice-"_

"BAKUBRO MY HEART IS SO FULL I-"

He'd explode but he didn't get a chance to, because suddenly there's a threatening red flash in the front of the room and all their quirks and arguments die in the air.

Aizawa-sensei, with a face that looked like he didn't give a fuck about anything happening around him, grumbled like an irate hundred-year-old elemental being roused from his sleep. "Shut up and get back to your seats." He gave an extra glare at the general area around Bakugou's seat, where the Bakusquad immediately disperses to scramble to their seats in blissful silence.

* * *

If he thought that he'd escaped the gossipy clutches of that Pink Alien Freak and her obsession with other people's love lives, he was woefully wrong.

As soon as Aizawa-sensei or the other teachers were out of the view, she kept bugging him relentlessly, asking him about the whens and wheres and hows and whys that he really didn't have an honest answer to except "We're assigned to the same fucking assignment in the fucking play you stupid shitty airhead don't read anything else into it." With more expletives and volume, of course, but not like that ever made this girl learn her lesson.

"That's _so boring_ and so not true, Bakugou. There's more to you two, I can feel it," Alien-Face declared over her shitty orange salad in Lunch Rush.

"Hey, take it easy on Baku-bro, Ashido." Kirishima nudged her on the ribs, much too softly than she deserved in all honesty. "It's all about the play, right? I know you two have been pulling all-nighters to make it great 'cos the Prez asked you to."

Bakugou remembered then that Kirishima's easily the least dumb one in the squad, because he could say sensible things like this.

"Yeah, Ashido," Soy-Sauce said, dumping half a bottle of soy sauce onto his dumplings-what the fuck are his kidneys okay?! "I mean, it's Bakugou and Uraraka we're talkin' about. I'm surprised they haven't killed each other yet at this point."

What the hell was he talking about?

Sero blinked at him with a dull look on his face. "I mean I'm not saying that it's just cause you almost killed her in the Sports Festival last year, but-"

And Icyhot gave his plain ass actual frostbite and almost sent him to hibernation like that ugly ass squirrel in Ice Age but no-one ever called him out for it!

"Yeah-I mean, we're all expected to push each other to the brink of death in front of a live studio audience, UA is just one big Hunger Games arena and one day we'll all be asked to kill each other, yadda yadda-" Bakugou bit back the urge to yell at him for copyright infringement again, before he realized that he wasn't talking about the script, "-but what I'm sayin' is, one battle to the death does not a chemistry make, ya know?"

Sero might be the second least dumb with his logical reasoning and all that, but what he said made the corners of Bakugou's mouth go to the direction of hell and he didn't know why he had the urge to make him shut. up.

"You are such an anti, Sero," grumbled Ashido. "And you are so totally _wrong_ about the chemistry part because Bakugou and Uraraka? It ain't just physics, baby."

He didn't even want to know how she came up with such an awful joke.

"You ain't gettin' outta this one, buddy," Kaminari told him when he gave the pink-girl a deadly glare, just daring her to go on and meet the wrath of his fist. And true to the electric blonde's word, Ashido continued her inane rambling without any conscientiousness or fear of her imminent death.

"You have got to be blind if you didn't notice that our favourite angry blonde munchkin's glare has been directed in the general direction of our resident space cadet." Ashido's dark alien eyes go wide like she's talking about how the government covered up alien invasions and shit. "Not just in the classroom, or in the field, or in the cafeteria like he's doing right now-"

Bakugou's body jerked as he watched Uraraka laugh at something that Shitty Nerd said, her round chubby hands holding onto that shitty Icyhot bastard's shoulder for dear life as she does-

Wait... why _was_ he looking at that direction-

Ashido had a smug smile on her mouth when he noticed. "Yes, that's right, Bakugou-kun, do as you will. I haven't even mentioned the fact that you tend to pick her when we need to pick partners during practice and I beat you to getting Kiri as a partner."

"Damn right," Bakugou grit out, "Because apart from Shitty Hair, she's the only one among you extras who ain't afraid to blow to pieces when I activate my quirk!"

But Ashido was _prepared_ for this like she's presenting a thesis, exactly like she wasn't when it came to actual coursework. "Objection! It's totally because of chemistry, chemistry! Also, Deku-kun and Todoroki-kun can handle you just fine but you never even tried working with them-"

"Well that shitty nerd and half-and-half bastard can go fuck themselves!"

"Because?"

"Because I hate their guts, what the fuck else?!"

Did he even had to explain himself _why?_ He only had to look at their table again to know. Shitty Nerd was muttering nonstop and jotting shit down in that stupid notebook of his. Icyhot was slurping his stupid soba like he was twelve. Never mind what Glasses and Frogface were doing in the table next to them, Uraraka looked at them both with fondness in those brown eyes of hers in a way he'd never seen up close.

Shit he really hated their guts.

The rest of the table sat blinking at him when he came to. "The fuck are you staring at, extras?"

Ashido sighed. "I rest my case," was all she said, with a smug smile directed at Sero who gave a relenting shrug.

"You ain't resting shit."

"Whatever," she said with a grin. "I'm real excited about your lovey-dovey date later! Gah, I can't _wait_ to squeeze out all the details from Ochako-chan later-"

Predictably, Kirishima had to hold him back before he destroyed school property again.

* * *

The afternoon came, and again he had to deal with the assault to his senses: ugly singing and disaster zones which were supposed to be choreographed fight scenes, which were sort of better than the day before but definitely far from what he had envisioned from writing the script.

Kirishima asked for his help with props and shit and he went along with him, just so he didn't have to watch everyone swoon over how that Icyhot bastard is the only one in this cursed production who can apparently sing in tune. He wasn't even _that_ good, and those songs he allegedly co-wrote with Uraraka were the worst so far, and his stupid face didn't change when he acted-why the hell did he have a big role again?! He had half a mind to write the bastard out-

"Whoa, easy on that one, bro!" Shitty Hair held the hammer in his hand back as he relentlessly assaulted a nail through a huge important-looking chunk of fake castle. "You okay? Were they that bad?"

Still bad, but not really. Fuck Bakugou though if he understood why he was so irritated.

"Yikes." He hated that weird smile that Kirishima gave him, like he knew what was going on when he really fucking didn't. "Ya know, Mina was just messing with you. You don't have to mind what she says."

He didn't care what that nosy Raccoon thought. Did he look like he did?!

"Just sayin'. Although, you and Uraraka really did the script good! Haven't seen everyone have so much fun… ah, when am I gonna have a part in the script, huh? I wanna join in eventually…"

"You're gonna show up soon, my precious cinnamon friend!"

And just like that, the round-faced subject of his consternation entered the common room. The rest of the class streamed behind her, stressed, exhausted and frustrated, but strangely excited about the play.

"You're kidding! You really think I'm ready for my big debut?!"

Uraraka wiggled her short eyebrows at Kirishima with a wink. "You got it, big guy! And we have a real important role for you and Bakugou-kun, so you guys better get ready! Ah, but before that, Bakugou-kun and I gotta write it down first! So Bakugou-"

Someone behind them kept singing 'the prince of the eeeaaast!' in a horrible caterwaul but he was able to ignore this because one, Uraraka did a weird, excited little wiggle of her hips that made her look like a dashboard hula girl. Why she did that while Bakugou stared at her like she's from outer space and continued to do as he persisted in his judgy stare was beyond him.

Two, Bakugou was hyperaware of the extras staring at them both, with equal parts smug and disbelieving and fuck he should really explode all their stupid faces off.

"Ah. You haven't made dinner yet."

And three- _this Icyhot Bastard._ For one reason or another, he was standing in the middle of this conversation without any ability to read the room, or to care for his miserable existence.

"What the fuck?" was all Bakugou could say as his Baku-Rage-Aura™ shot up to dangerous levels.

He stared at Bakugou right in the face without any ounce of self-preservation. "Uraraka asked you to make dinner before working on the script."

Bakugou's eye twitched very, very dangerously. "And you're not minding yer own business, Icyhot."

Unfazed, Todoroki shrugged. "I thought you would be cooking something for you both by this time. You already wasted a lot of time yesterday, if I gather correctly."

He doubted that this half-and-half bastard knew about their argument yesterday, so why was he suddenly interested in _trying him?!_ Bakugou was suddenly very interested in punching his lights out. Kirishima must have sensed the same thing because he started stepping in front of Bakugou and sent a pleading look in the bastard's direction.

"Todoroki-kun, it's fine, it's fine," Uraraka, oblivious to the tension in the air, waves him off with one hand. "He was helpin' Kirishima-kun with props! And we can make do with snacks, I got a lot of 'em stashed under my bed-"

Except she didn't anymore, because Bakugou threw all those moldy bags of kaki-no-tane away already. Would have sent them to the seventh layer of hell where they belonged, if he can help it.

He stomped his way to the kitchen, making anyone standing dumbly in his way yell and throw themselves out of his way. "Get your stinkin' ass to the shower, RoundFace!" was all he growled with a gnash of his teeth as he began to raid the cupboards for ingredients.

"Got it!" Uraraka said, making her way upstairs. Behind her, that stupid Raccoon had a conspiratorial flash in her eyes. The other extras had the same expression, until Bakugou barked and sent them scurrying to the shadows like nosy rats.

All but one stayed in his vicinity. Todoroki perched himself over the kitchen counter, stared after Uraraka, and then back at Bakugou.

"What?" he snapped.

Todoroki blinked once-an underreaction to the sight of Bakugou with a knife, no matter how you look at it. "You aren't going to yell at her again, are you?"

"Why the heck do you care?"

The half-and-half huffed. "She came running to us last night, you know. While Midoriya and Asui and Iida were taking turns trying to get you out of the room, she fretted about what she could have said to tick you off."

There were lots of things that Bakugou didn't like in this stupid bastard's tone. One, his stupid face, but nothing to be done about that. Two, he sounded a little too accusing, too _protective_ like it's an 'if-you-hurt-my-friend' spiel, which was the stuff of cliched shoujo manga predictable plots that was far from unique.

Three-really? This half-and-half and that Roundface? He didn't even know they talked before this! He didn't like the implication that Uraraka sobbed to this shitface first before she got to Bakugou last night. Was he gloating that he was closer to her than Bakugou was?

And why the fuck did he think it mattered?! How many people are making these wild assumptions about him and Uraraka?

"I'm not gloating about any of that," Todoroki said, as an answer to his mental rant. "I know you two were okay by this morning by the way you were cuddling on the sofa before daybreak. Didn't see a script around though."

He grit his teeth. Damn, he thought no-one saw, because they both got up by six and somehow made it to their own rooms to dress up in a delirious haze without running into anyone. Bakugou didn't even remember _cuddling_. "Stop beating around the bush and tell me what the hell you want from me, Icyhot. Are you blackmailing me or threatening me or some other stupid shit that won't work on me?"

Todoroki exhaled loudly. "This project means a lot to her. I don't want to see her having a hard time because of you. So don't."

It was Bakugou's turn to huff. "That all, you stupid prince?"

He looked a little amused at his usage of _stupid prince_ , but nodded.

He cursed under his breath. "That ain't happening again." Todoroki raised his eyebrows, obviously about to ask if he meant the fighting or the cuddling, but fuck if he's gonna clarify that. "So kindly mind your own business and fuck off, all right? Roundface and I have a _lot_ of work to do."

Todoroki didn't look that convinced, but seemed to accept his answer because it's what the bigger person would do. Bakugou never wanted to kick an ass as hard as then. "Oh, one last thing, Bakugou-"

"What now?"

He looked at him in a weird, shiny-eyed way and blinked. "Please make soba."

Bakugou sent him out of the kitchen with a curse and an exploding red onion aimed at his head. He missed, but at least that finally sent that bastard out of his sight.

Ultimately, Bakugou _does_ make soba. Yakisoba, that is. Spiced to hell and back. None of that cold shit that the IcyHot bastard was expecting and felt entitled to eating day in and day out.

It was utterly satisfying seeing that half-haired prick almost choke on the spices and leave his plate in a huff, like a displeased cat. Even more satisfying, though, is the fact that Uraraka really, really liked his yakisoba, even though she needed three glasses of milk by the end of it.

Was he supposed to feel this funny to see this marshmallow enjoy his food so much? He didn't know, and he sure as hell shouldn't waste his time thinking about it. Especially since those extras seem to be jumping to conclusions for him.

Instead, he keeps his focus on Uraraka, who has that mess of a folder at her side again. "I'm so stoked we're doin' this again, Explodey-Face! Are you ready to have your mind blown?"

Bakugou grunts once. "Fine Roundface. Let's see what ya got."

* * *

 **Deku and the Dragon Lord: The Legend of the Quirk Stones**

 **A Work in Progress**

 **Act 2, Scene 1: In Which We See What Ground Zero Is About**

Written by: _Sleepy Ass Round Face_ and King Explosion Murder

 _\- And so we go back to the UA's Eastern Kingdom, where… um, where… Where were we again?_

That stupid shitty Prince just told those fucking nerds to fuckin' cut me down is what.

"That is _NOT_ what His Highness Prince Todoroki Shouto, First of His Name requests of our honorable guests! You fiendish narrator!" Sir Iida says, affronted. "Why, it is not as if we are sending out clueless civilians into a potentially dangerous field for an ill-defined mission to capture, maim, and/or assassinate another innocent civilian who may or may not have something to do with a disaster of a national scale with only conspiracy theories to explain its significance!"

That's exactly what you fuckin' geniuses are doing, shitty Glasses! Actin' like a shifty mob and shit! Look at your shitty Prince, he ain't even _denying_ anything! 

Prince Shouto shrugs, much to the chagrin of his Princeguard. "Stand down, Brigadier-General. It keeps the narrative going, so I won't deny anything."

Prince Hitoshi gives a long suffering sigh before turning to the Hero Trio, who's sweating bullets by this time. "We can explain it further if it seems shady."

 _W-well, it isn't that shady at all, ha ha, we can't explain as much without spoiling, all right, your Highness Prince Hitoshi of the Northern Kingdom with the most dangerous borders of all? I mean, I don't wanna_ know _what's gonna happen to your kingdom's supply of grain if you go and EXPLAIN too much, right?!_

You're seriously blackmailing the other shitty Prince?! The hell you doin, you effin' shady round-faced narrator?!

The purple-haired prince sighs again and looks like he's about to get a migraine. Deku raises his hand nervously. "I… I just have a c-concern… I promise, it's not a spoilery concern, your Highnesses!"

"You may speak," Prince Shouto says with a curt nod.

Deku nervously steps up to the stage and faces the audience. "I know in my heart that Kacchan's not evil. A tyrant he may be, a bully, an insecure dickhead who calls me names, but he's not evil!"

Fuck you, shitty Deku! Do you want me to beat your ass right here right now?! I'll come down from wherever narrators hang out to hand you your own ass on a silver platter! I'll kill you!

Deku yelps. "S-sorry, it's just the script!"

Prince Shouto nods, staring at the ceiling knowingly. "It is based on truth. Continue."

You fuckin-! 

_The other narrator is held back by the other narrator, and the narrative continues! (Pipe down, Bakugou-kun!)_

The green-haired squire-in-training nods again, ignoring the argument and small explosions that continue above their heads. "That is, I think the plan is unfair, and doomed to a path of evil… if Kacchan is truly there, with the quirk stones, I'm sure it isn't theft. So, the way the mission is right now… I want to refuse."

Tsuyu-chan gasps. "R-refuse? Deku-chan, after all the trouble we went through, _ribbit?_ "

Uraraka gasps as well, in offense. "B-but the money, Deku-kun! Think of the money!"

Iida gasps, completing the Trio of Gasps. "You dare refuse his Majesty Prince Shouto with this vaguely worded reasoning?! And in defence of this larcenous rapscallion?!"

 _Chaos erupts in the throne room, with Deku-kun bowing his head without any sort of hesitation! Even though Prince Shouto is eyeing him down angrily, and Prince Hitoshi is smirking darkly in the background, and General Yaoyorozu's readying a sniper rifle at her side, he doesn't back down!_

"H-hey, the sniper's kinda making me want to back down now, Narrator-san!" whimpers Deku, as an ominous click from the gun echoes throughout the throne room. Nevertheless, he bravely looks up at the Prince, who is sitting on his throne. "That's right, your majesty! I… I won't agree to capturing Kacchan if it means… if it means that he'll be convicted without a proper trial!"

 _What a loyal friend you are, Deku-kun! If the man of Ground Zero were there, I'm sure he'd be blushing like mad and telling you to fuck-off like a true Tsundere!_

Shut the fuck up, Round Face. Who's fuckin' _tsundere?_! 

_See? He's totally blushin' right now!_

"Aw, Tsukkomi-narrator-san…" Deku looks like he's on the verge of tears.

Fuckin' Deku! Get on with it! 

Prince Shouto thinks through it thoughtfully. "I was just thinking of restraining the guy in chains like we did in the Sports Festival and then putting him in jail for a fortnight. If we put him on trial and he's found guilty, the King of the East might send him to the guillotine. And there's a good chance that you and your friends will be accused of collaboration and/or treason."

Can we _please _not reference that shitty Sports Festival awards ceremony?! Am I really never living that down?!

 _I'm surprised that you're not worried about the guillotine thing more, Bakugou-kun!_

Deku thinks through it just as carefully. "Kacchan isn't guilty. I'm sure of it. So I'm fine with this set-up."

"So you accept the mission?" Prince Shouto clarifies. "Because if you don't, we need to take… certain measures to keep our motives secret from the rest of the Kingdom."

General Yaoyorozu still has the sniper in her hands. Sir Iida and Sir Aoyama are wielding weapons comically at Tsuyu-chan and Uraraka-chan's sides (the latter of which is struggling with all her might not to burst out into laughter). "Y… yes," Deku weakly supplies.

"All right. General, stand down."

General Yaoyorozu stands down, with Sir Iida and Sir Aoyama following suit. Deku almost collapses in relief.

"Bold words, my green-haired friend. This Bakugou better be as innocent as you say he is," Prince Hitoshi says with a smirk. "So, there you have it, your majesty. I trust that your discretion will lead to the return of magic to the four remaining kingdoms of UA."

Prince Shouto nods. "Leave it to us. Thank you, Prince Hitoshi. I'm sure you have other places to go to."

"Yes. It's time for me to take my leave. (Finally.)" Without further ado, Prince Hitoshi excitedly exits the stage.

"All right, my new comrades," Prince Shouto addresses the Hero Trio, a new hint of seriousness in his eyes. "Now that you have agreed to my mission, I trust that you will carry this out with utmost loyalty and discretion."

"Yes, your highness."

"Just to be sure that you will not stray off your mission, I will assign sir Iida to watch over you." Fumbling in his pocket briefly, he takes a bag of money and waves this around like it's nothing. "Here is 500,000 yen for your supplies."

Fuckin' rich boy! He's giving his pocket money?! What kinda shady mission is this?! And he has 500,000 yen in cold cash from his allowance?!

Prince Shouto shrugs. "It's only a fourth of the money in my wallet. You will get the rest of the reward once you've finished the mission."

Argh this smug little shit! Please tell me this douche is getting his ass kicked later in the story! By me, ideally!

"I highly doubt you will," the Prince says smugly. "I'm a very important character with a tragic backstory.

 _We aren't talking about spoilers though, your highness!_

The Prince falters. "... wait. So does that mean-"

Fuck you dreamy boy! Haha I am gonna enjoy writing those scenes!

"oh LORD thank you!" Uraraka jumps in joy and practically snatches all the money from the suddenly annoyed Shouto's hand. Her eyes are yen signs as she counts the bills one by one. "Oh man there's enough here to go out for Korean barbecue!"

Easy there, you money-hungry witch! And just Korean barbecue after getting half a mil, what's with that sad cheap way of thinking?!

"Apart from that, is it really okay to spend this money any way we like? _Ribbit,_ " Tsuyu-chan asks the Prince carefully.

Prince Shouto shrugs. "Anyway you like, as long as we capture Bakugou. Since neither I nor Prince Hitoshi can offer you any other form of support, you have to get everything else on your own. Be it manpower or weapons, etcetera."

Iida adds, "But you must have the proper receipts for everything! I shall take everything into account!" Apart from weapons, he already apparently packed a ledger in his belongings, which makes Uraraka sweat nervously.

Is this guy really a knight, or just an accountant in fancy gear?!

"I see," Deku says with a thoughtful rub of his chin. "So the challenge now is to find a team that we can trust?"

"Indeed." Prince Shouto nods. "Far be it from being a simple task, my green-haired friend. You should know who to trust, and to what extent. The future of this country depends upon the decisions you make. And should you make questionable choices…"

 _General Yaoyorozu and Lieutenant Aoyama step forward and make various threatening motions with their weapons, this time to be choreographed by Yaomomo! While Lieutenant Aoyama looks like he's swirling a baton at a parade, General Yaoyorozu's rifle spinning demonstration and pointed glares at the hero trio makes Deku want to pee in his pants!_

Oi, is this nerd going to make it? Ponytail really looks like she wants to kill him on the spot!

"I hope the message is clear," Prince Shouto says with a wave of the hand.

 _He dismisses them soon, and as the Hero Trio is escorted out of the premises, Deku is filled with lots of worries! After all, the situation has evolved from simply following the Prince's shady orders!_

Even you call it shady! It's bullshit! What the fuck is this icyhot prince up to?!

 _Now, Deku also has his childhood friend Kacchan to worry about! He has to think about his next moves carefully, else it's the chains and/or the guillotine for his irate friend! The biggest question is, who can he trust in this very important mission?_

Tsuyu-chan croaks, "It's definitely those guys from before, right? The pirate crew and the hunting guild and Mineta-chan and company. We don't have anyone else on the cast list, _ribbit._ "

 _… waah, Tsuyu-chan, come on, don't spoil it! We were gonna build up to it in the next act!_

She has a point though, Roundface. Come on, get on with it!

 _Humph! Fine! Well, so as Deku and company thinks about the next steps they have to take, we go out of the Eastern Kingdom and into the middle of the sea, where one of our friends is currently floating without direction! He's been there for a while, as we've learned from our friends from the Shippy McShipface, when they lost him to the unforgiving cold ocean-_

You mean when they all got shit-faced on rum and left him out into the ocean to die right?

"Accidents happen! I know my super awesome bros on the Shippy McShipface didn't mean it!" Kirishima answers too brightly for someone stuck out in the ocean. "Besides, I'm sure that Captain Kaminari, First Mate Sero, and Ashido the crook are on their way to rescue me!"

… are you absolutely sure you can trust those idiot criminals to come save you?

Kirishima beams. "Yes! I may be losing hope in this unforgiving sea but I just know I'll be found!"

Yikes. 

_We don't know how he did it, but Kirishima was able to survive by floating on a door! Armed with just a whistle, a deflated volleyball, and a tiger who may or may not be a metaphor for himself-_

Another rip-off?! Is this T*tanic or Life of P* or that Tom H*nks movie?! Just pick one thing to rip-off, you shitty haired castaway!

Kirishima shrugs and throws out the whistle and the volleyball off his floating door. "Join J*ck-san at the bottom of the ocean, my friends… I'll miss you a lot, W*lson-san-"

Never mind the rip-off namedrops-why the _fuck _would you keep the hungry tiger on your shitty door-boat?!

"Because he's cute!" Kirishima says simply, petting the tiger and not minding the sharp claws and teeth worrying over his hardened skin. "And apart from that, isn't it about time for my song number?"

 _Right, Kirishima-kun! This is your major debut, after all! Do your best, okay?_

"Gladly!" Kirishima clears his throat, and begins to sing,

"Here I be, lost at sea  
Steady and lost as seas tend to be  
Here I be, lost at sea  
Waiting for my bros to rescue me…"

 _Kirishima-kun has been singing this song everyday for the past few weeks, just waiting for his bros to come rescue him! It's been a while but he hasn't lost hope yet! Such is the optimism of this mighty red-haired bro!_

 _But as he sings this song, something in the sky… catches his eye!_

"Gasp!" Kirishima gasps, pointing at the sky. "Look, P*! What is that creature up in the sky?"

"Roar!" P* says, clawing Kirishima in the face.

I'm serious, you should get rid of that fuckin' tiger! Besides being expensive as shit, P*TA's gonna go after our asses for putting a wild animal on stage!

 _But it's gonna be so cute, Bakugou-kun! Please?_

Alskfjslkfjdskafjdskf no! And let's get back to this creature up in the sky!

 _All right, all right!_

 _A great row of fire appears in the sky (care of Todoroki-kun), covering the previously great blue skies in orange! Kirishima watches in wonder as a great beast with scales and wings and fangs cut across the sky! And more than that, at the back of the dragon rides someone that should be familiar to all!_

"Could it be…?" Kirishima gasps again, "A dragon rider?"

 _Yes! From the dragon's back we see him! Blonde hair, fur jacket thingy, lots of necklaces made of teeth, a manic grin and a laugh that makes him look really really insane! The one and only-_

Oi, is that- 

"You got that right, fuckers!" The dragon rider laughs like a maniac. "It's me! The real main character in this damn story! Bakugou-fuckin-Katsuki, about to show you extras how it's _DONE!_ "

Oi that's really overdoing it! I don't sound that fuckin' full of myself!

"Shut the fuck up, shitty narrator!" Bakugou snarls, throwing an explosive blast up the air.

Fuck you you little shit shut the fuck up who are you calling shitty! Wait, did I just cuss myself out?

 _Ya sure did, Narrator-kun! I'm not even sure what's going on anymore! So let's just get back to the story!_

"Yeah, thanks a lot for fuckin' up my cool-as-fuck entrance back there," Bakugou growls, as he tells the dragon to descend from the skies. "You," he points to Kirishima the castaway, teeth bared.

"Me?" Kirishima asks, holding on to his door-boat carefully.

"Yeah, you," Bakugou repeats. The dragon glowers at the castaway threateningly. "Who the hell are you, and what are you doing trespassing on my property?"

"Your property?" Kirishima asks, baffled. "But… this is the ocean-"

 _Bakugou points to an island close to them! Its appearance is exactly like the one in Prince Shouto's map, the island East of the East, the land teeming with power-Ground Zero!_

"And that's my property." He points to the water. "And this is my property, and you're in it, Shitty Hair!'

Kirishima wails. "But I am just a poor castaway! I didn't mean to trespass on your righteous land, Bakubro!"

"Like I care how ya got here!" Bakugou laughs like a maniac again, cape flapping in the wind. "There's only one thing we do to trespassers here!"

 _The mighty dragon flaps its wings! Its jaws snap at Kirishima threateningly, and fire comes out of its nostrils! Licking its lips hungrily as it eyes the poor lost pirate, the creature takes a giant salt-shaker, a meat tenderizer, some soysauce and a little black vinegar, sesame dressing-_

The hell roundface, are you hungry again? What the fuck is up with this shitty dragon? Are we suddenly on Food Wars? Just eat the damn hedgehog already!

"Oi, only I get to call my shitty dragon a shitty dragon, shitty narrator!"

Fuck you! 

_The castaway and his tiger have no room on the door boat to escape!_

"Anyways… all trespassers in _my_ island end up the same! Double Dead Dragon Food!" Bakugou declares, commanding the dragon to open its jowls.

"Nooooooooooooo!" Kirishima cries dramatically as he is eaten by the beast.

* * *

"... and then you laugh like a maniac some more, and then the first act ends!" Uraraka says, with a sense of satisfaction. "Wow, it's really going great so far, Bakugou-kun, I'm super proud of how the story is going!"

"Hrm," Bakugou says, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah, whatever you say, Roundface."

The common rooms weren't as noisy as a couple of hours ago, as all of the other extras have already turned in for the night. It was only them still up at ass o clock at night doing this god-awful project.

 _Fuck,_ was he tired. It was hard keeping his eyes open. How many nights had he stayed up with Uraraka now? It felt like he'd been doing this for too long now…

"Bakugou-kun? You still with me?"

He grunted in response, keeping his eyes closed. "Yeah-fuck. Just gimme a second, all right?"

"... well, okay," he heard her say, in a soft and gentle way that felt really nice to his ears. "Gosh, you're pretty tired, aren't ya, Explodey-face? I kept you from your grampa bedtime schedule again..."

If he was awake enough for a better retort, he'd have done better than that weird low growl that he managed. But he wasn't, and he practically hears that little chipmunk giggle next to him.

Shit, it sounded really nice, felt really _nice_ just hearing her vibrations next to him. It's too nice to be anything real, really. He might already be dreaming at that point or some shit.

"You're really cute when you're like this, you know." Something warm envelops him, fuzzy and soft and tucked around his shoulders. "You should smile like this to me more, okay?"

Who the fuck was smiling? Just because he wasn't frowning anymore, doesn't mean that he's smiling.

"Sweet dreams, Bakugou-kun. I'll see you tomorrow."

He felt the weight at one side of him disappear, leaving it empty and cold. From a distance, doors probably closed and lights shut off, leaving him alone in that place.

It wasn't as nice anymore, but he told himself he was too tired to care.


End file.
